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Vape Community to be Hardest Hit by Trump’s Vaping Ban

AmericanBravadoSep 11, 2019, 8:03:05 PM

Washington- Today news broke that President Donald Trump is considering a nationwide ban on flavored electronic cigarettes and other flavored tobacco products. This ban seems to come after a string of recent reported deaths related to electronic tobacco products. Initially advertised as safer than cigarettes, or a possible alternative to quitting smoking many americans quickly turned to e-cigarettes or five pound handheld vape machines. Many countries around the world have moved to ban vaping or limit its usage. However brave, ‘big tobacco’ backed politicians have helped keep Americans fat clouds safe from insidious legislation, until now.

Tobacco stores have spent years preparing for possible vaping bans. Hovnan Virabyan a local tobacco store owner has maintained his store ‘Spruce Street Smoke’ for over 15 years, but he was not concerned at all about the potential ban. “In this industry you never know what the law is, one day you can’t sell to kids, the next day you can only sell to kids. You have to be ready for anything.”

When asked how he would handle the law if it was enacted he responded, “Look, the ban only is for flavors. People are addicted, and they want to smoke. They will do it anyways, and I will have the tobacco for them. If they want flavors, go across the street to my brother Yuri’s grocery store. If you want mango smoke go chew on a mango. Chicken smoke? Great deal you can get two for one chicken at Yuri’s.

Vapers themselves are not so optimistic. “I’m just sick and tired of the government telling people how to live their life.” said Cody Kent a sophomore in Mrs. Kacey’s algebra class.

“What Trump doesn’t realize is that Gen Z vapers are his biggest base and this could total his reelection chances.” Kent said as he took a massive rip from his vape and breathed the cloud into his hoodie sleeve. “We’re the ones making the memes on r/Thedonald, we’re the ones wearing Maga hats and filming our teachers being butthurt. I’m a big Trump guy, but I think this is going….”

“Cody are you Vaping in Class?” Yelled Mrs. Kacey from the whiteboard.

“I’m Sir Vapes-a-Lot, bitch!” Kent exclaimed as he ripped the fattest cloud into the classroom. The classroom burst into uproarious laughter, and everyone clapped.

“Get your ass out of my classroom, NOW!”

Kent walked out of the classroom with phone in hand, before leaving he exclaimed, “Trump 2020! Or whichever candidate has the most sensible policies on vaping!”

-American Bravado