US Looks Towards Hong Kong After Massive Amounts of Oil Found In The City

US Looks Towards Hong Kong After Massive Amounts of Oil Found In The City

Hong Kong- For the past several weeks massive protests have been sweeping the autonomous city of Hong Kong in response to an extradition bill proposed by China that could drastically change the culture and government within the city. The protesters have been described as ‘High IQ’ for their effective protesting strategies, organization, and countering of police activities. As China begins cracking down, and the situation becomes more dire, the protestes have discovered a shit load of oil.

Hong Kong which lies in south east of mainland China was once just thought of as a worthless rock with no natural resources. The only source of the city’s massive wealth was in its liberal economic practices and its openness to world markets. While its neighbors suffered economic stagnation under communism, Hong Kong was a shining example of free market capitalism . However it seems everything we know about the city has changed over night, as protesters have claimed that Hong Kong is the most oil rich region in Asia and perhaps the entire world.

“There is so much oil here,” says one anonymous protester, “Probably more than Iraq and Afghanistan combined. If I was America, I’d definitely want to check it out.”

Energy scientists traveled to Hong Kong to verify the claims, they were blocked by protesters linked arm in arm claiming they would only allow President Trump or the Marines behind them to see the oil. Instead the scientists were given a ,Youtiao, a local fried desert as to run tests on. Upon testing the scientists found that there must be an ungodly amount of oil in the city.

As the news reached Washington Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell was the first to speak out in favor of the protestors. “America must stand by the Hong Kong protesters and oppose those who stand in the way of our oil… I mean in the way of liberty.” McConnell said, as he was rubbing his hands together and drooled slightly from his lip.

Speculation has been circulating about possible military involvement or even establishing a base in the city. When we asked one military leader he responded, “Have you seen how much rent is in Hong Kong? There’s no fucking way the Army could afford that.”

-American Bravado