Politeness vs. Political Correctness

[Language and concepts contained herein may offend some with delicate constitutions.  If you are one of these people, please immediately stop reading]

 

"A dying culture invariably exhibits personal rudeness. Bad manners. Lack of consideration for others in minor matters. A loss of politeness, of gentle manners, is more significant than is a riot.” - Robert A. Heinlein, Friday

While out with a friend, I watched as she held a door open for a passing pedestrian.  She had actually opened the door for herself, but stood back to allow an approaching man to enter the building first.  My friend is nothing if not polite.  The man, his interest firmly focused on the contents of his wireless device, sailed through the door without even looking up.  We then waited as a parade of other strangers drafted wireless guy through the door, laughing and talking amongst themselves.  Not one of them even acknowledged my friend in her new role as unpaid door person.  When the way was finally clear, my friend and I exchanged glances and moved on.  We have been having this "glance exchange" more frequently over the last few years in response to a growing number of minor, but oddly significant lapses in social etiquette exhibited by the general public.  Common courtesy is becoming uncommon. 

This is an unfortunate evolution in our interpersonal exchanges.  Politeness and social consideration are the glue that holds a society together - or so I've heard.  It has long been thought the erosion of manners heralds the decline and fall of a civilization.  Historically this seems to hold true.  Whatever other factors are in play, failing to treat others with courtesy and consideration fosters an "every man for himself" dynamic.  That which we don't value, in this case other people, can be easily marginalized and discarded; this is inadvisable in metropolitan environments where cooperation and interdependence are important for virtually every endeavor.  In highly populated areas, lapses in etiquette never end well. 

Meanwhile, the world is increasingly being infested with people who, while otherwise consistently rude, are very concerned about being politically correct.  It is important not to equate being polite with political correctness.  Political correctness (PC) is another thing entirely, which I'm convinced is damaging our ability to think properly, and to interact honestly and effectively with one another.  The constant pressure to speak in a manner that doesn't offend the lowest common demoninator, for this is now our target audience, is time-consuming and fatiguing.  Political correctness seems to be the adult extrapolation of "No Child Left Behind".  It is a relatively recent, but increasingly popular, scourge on humanity. 

While struggling to keep up with the moving target that is political correctness, we begin to experience a nameless dread that anything we say might offend someone.  We become unsure of the latest euphemism to describe skin colour, sexual orientation, height, weight, misinformation, food preference or the weather.  We start avoiding topics that might "trigger" unpleasant thoughts or feelings in our audience.  We begin to mentally restrict our conversations, editing words and ideas out of existence. 

We, too, become less as our options narrow.  We fear the amorphous repercussions of inappropriatness in any of its incarnations, which are measured on a sliding scale, that changes at the drop of a hat.  We ruminate over our word choices to the point of paranoia.  And still, despite our best intentions, someone, somewhere, is invariably mortified by an implication that was usually neither implied nor expressed.  If one individual in a hundred, or a thousand, is offended by something you write or say, you are just a bad person - apparently.  There are checks and balances in place to deal with such as you.   

I love language and good conversation.  I used to enjoy humorous exchanges with friends and strangers - double and triple entendres were a personal favourite.  I fear those days may be gone.  I began to become concerned when I found myself abbreviating written and verbal exchanges in favour of PC form over content - more of a Dragnet scenario, "Just the facts, ma'am, just the [whitewashed pseudo] non-facts".  Communicating with people, in general, stopped being fun.

This didn't happen over night. 

I remember a time when I was introduced to a new project manager at work.  Apparently he called me a "fucking bitch" for days, in response to what I had assumed was a witty conversation opener; until someone informed him that "Bob" was, in fact, a palindrome.  Oddly this memory still irrationally pisses me off.  I should have filed a "Hurt Feelings: Report.  To my knowledge, he never retracted his position.

I recall another conversation a few years ago, also in a corporate setting.  A client asked me to pass on her commendation for one of our department technician's exemplary support.  I asked for his name.  She did not remember.  I asked for his physical description, and the conversation proceeded like this:

She:   "Well, he's tall." 

I:         "That describes most of our technicians.  Can you tell me anything else?"She:  "He has a shaved head."

I:         "Sadly, we're two for two here.  Most of our male staff are tall and have shaved heads (I have no idea why, but this was true)."

She:   "He's friendly.  He's competent. He has a nice smile."

I:         "We have a great staff.  Everyone is friendly and qualified.  Is there something else that might allow us to identify him?"

We continued through the woman's list of potential identifying characteristics - clothing, work hours, alignment of the planets - until, frustrated and visibly embarrassed, she leaned closer and whispered conspiratorially into my ear, "He's black".  We had a winner.  But boy, was that annoying!  Political correctness stole fifteen minutes of my life for the dumbest of reasons.  What is so wrong with identifying someone by an obvious visual characteristic?  Are we now so afraid of the possibility of hurting someone's feelings, that we can't make a simple, defining observation?  When did having dark skin become an embarrassing or unfortunate condition?  I'm sure as I ponder this, someone somewhere is calling the proverbial spade a tool with a long wooden handle and a broad flat blade and typically upturned sides, normally used for moving coal, earth, snow or other material.  That said, as the expression goes, a spade is still a spade.

The constant conditioning by some nameless entity, followed by the reinforcement of the unwashed masses, eats away at you until you just don't want to play anymore.  I'm trying to make a one-woman comeback to sanity, but it's slow going, and apparently unsupported by popular opinion.

I could go on, and on, with dozens, perhaps hundreds of examples, but the sad truth is, political correctness is cripplingly (I don't know if I can still use that word) stupid (ditto). 

Politeness is another thing entirely.  We're not as well-mannered as we used to be, and it's starting to hurt us.  It doesn't have to. 

A few kind words, a smile, a simple "thank-you" or "excuse me", holding a door open, letting someone into a lane in congested traffic, allowing people to exit before you enter, surrendering a seat on public transit for someone who needs it, acknowledging a kind gesture or a job well done, for example, are just a few of the things that really cost you nothing.  These little considerations do make a difference in how you view the world, however, and on any given day, they seem helpful when dealing with your successes, or failures.  People are your species after all, and with the exponential rise in world population, politeness and kindness toward others will eventually be essential. 

Some of the most odious people I've met have been rude, dismissive, and unfailingly politically correct.  The better people are at whitewashing reality, the less I tend to trust anything they say.  I'm not alleging that being polite makes you a good person, and I'm not saying that being politically correct makes you evil.  That said, the former is easy to accomplish and has fairly well-defined parameters; the latter is make-work bullshit, with targets so vague and subjective, that no human can succeed in the endeavor while actually saying anything.In case anyone is confused about the difference between good manners and political correctness, let's wrap up with a final examination.

Politeness (discussed in Wikipedia under Etiquette: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Etiquette): "During the Enlightenment era, a self-conscious process of the imposition of polite norms and behaviours became a symbol of being a genteel member of the upper class. Upwardly mobile middle class bourgeoisie increasingly tried to identify themselves with the elite through their adopted artistic preferences and their standards of behaviour. They became preoccupied with precise rules of etiquette, such as when to show emotion, the art of elegant dress and graceful conversation and how to act courteously, especially with women. Influential in this new discourse was a series of essays on the nature of politeness in a commercial society, penned by the philosopher Lord Shaftesbury in the early 18th century.

Shaftesbury defined politeness as the art of being pleasing in company:   

'Politeness' may be defined a dext'rous management of our words and actions, whereby we make other people have better opinion of us and themselves."

While both politeness and political correctness are societal constructs, being polite makes interacting with others pleasant, efficient, and strangely uplifting.  It is one of the inventions that, used correctly, elevates us from our otherwise chimpish origins.

Political correctness (as defined by The Google): "The avoidance, often considered as taken to extremes, of forms of expression or action that are perceived to exclude, marginalize, or insult groups of people who are socially disadvantaged or discriminated against."

I contend that political correctness only harms us and our interactions with others.  When this ideology entered the public domain in the 1990's, it may have represented the best of intentions.  In its current incarnation, however, political correctness reinforces the position that we are weak and unequal.  It assumes some (or all) of us need to be protected in a way that then points to our lesser status like a neon sign.  The PC mindset is based on the assumption we must be protected from bullying, facts or the truth, hence both creates and marginalizes "special needs" groups.  We are told we are sensitive creatures, incapable of controlling our thoughts and feelings.  If we are offended or upset in any conceiveable way, it is not our responsibility.  Political correctness suggests we sanitize the truth, and treat others like teething three year-olds.  I fail to see how this accomplishes or advances anything.

Hurt feelings are a construct, and to the best of my knowledge, have never actually harmed anyone.  As with all learned behaviour (especially those with an endorphin payload), people who are offended by one thing, can learn to be offended by virtually everything.  While perhaps counterproductive, it can make your life easier.  You don't have to try to resolve interpersonal conflicts or apply yourself to learning difficult concepts.  How could you?  Your feelings are hurt. Hurt feelings have never solved a mathematical problem, written an epic novel, or put a man/woman/person/entity on the moon.  When did we lose custody of our right to self-actualization?  When did we stop dreaming, and achieving, in favour of becoming so obsessed with how we make ourselves, or other people, feel? 

While I confess to being offended from time-to-time, I realize I do this to myself.  I try to analyze the events leading to this condition, to determine why I feel this way, and whether some behavioural change on my part might ameliorate the situation.  I try, where possible, to learn from these episodes.  I do not, however, grant anyone the power to dictate how I feel.  

The truth of a thing doesn't change because we pretty it up or disguise it with flowery euphemisms.  By the time we reach adulthood we should be made of sterner stuff -- at least we used to be. 

Sometimes I think political correctness is a make-work project to keep everyone from accomplishing anything - emotionally-charged busy work where upon learning the rules, you find the rules are constantly changing.  You can choose to man-up (yes, I just said that) and toughen your oh-so-delicate constitutions, or wallow in self-pity or hurt feelings, secure in knowledge that someone else is the master of your domain.

As always...just my opinion.

Polite Closing:  Thank you very much for your time and consideration.

Fun fact:  No animals were harmed in the making of this document.

Spoiler alert:  The words, fucking, bitch, black, bullshit and spade, may irrationally cause mild discomfort, not actually resulting in anything.

Warning:  Trigger alert.  Some people may be offended, and I don't actually care.

Super-deluxe trigger alert:  Grow the fuck up, or die trying.