Red dead redemption 2 parody

Disclaimer: This is just a fan parody, I don't own red dead redemption.

“Help! Help me! Somebody save me!” A woman was hogtied on the back of a horse with her kidnapper riding across the road. As Arthur stood to see the woman crying for help, he made a dramatic (clique pose) and said, “I’ll save thee mi’lady!” He then charged on the path toward the kidnapper, with a rope at hand. Strange enough, a weird looking armored Asian man ran screaming down past him with a sword in hand. He wasn’t going for the woman, but Arthur was and he managed to catch up with the kidnapper. As he got within range, he swung his rope to catch him, the guy fell off his horse.

“Oof!” he said. Arthur got down from his horse as the woman said, “My hero!”

The kidnapper got up as he pulled out his gun and fired. The horse with the woman freaked and then ran off. She then screamed as the horse ran far away. Arthur and the kidnapper stood there, gaping at what they’ve done.

“Well shit.” Arthur said.

Ah, the beginning of the Red Dead Redemption 2 PARODY.

CHAPTER ONE

As so the story started off with wagons in the snowstorm. A gang led by Dutch was leading them on the path after having escaped from Pinktertons in Blackwater. In the wagons are folks like Mary Beth, Karen, Reverend Swanson, Tilly, Davey who is dying, Abigail, her son Jack who is a little boy, Pearson who is the cook, Uncle who is a lazy drunk with “lumbago”, Susan Grimshaw who is like a dragon and manages the encampment, Javier a Mexican, Charles who is half Indian and half black and has hurt his hand, and Lenny a young man.

Reverend lets Hosea and Dutch know that Davey doesn’t have much long to live. Dutch informs him that he sent Arthur to find shelter. Arthur returned to them, letting them know there’s shelter in abandoned mining town. As they reached the place, Hosea checked the place for anyone inside. As it appeared empty, he let’s everyone know and people start piling in. As everyone got inside, Abigail walked up to Dutch, “Davey’s dead.”

“well shit, I loved Davey, just as I loved Davey Crocket, David Letterman, Dave Hosseloff, Davey Jones…” Dutch stopped himself as he looked at every frozen faces. He said, “Folks, I want you all to get yourselves warm, stay strong, and Stay with me.”

As he and Arthur turned to leave, everyone moved toward them. Dutch turned around, “What are you doing?”

“You said to stay with you.” Molly said.

“Well I mean stay here. Don’t follow me.” Dutch explained.

“Who will we follow?” Lenny asked.

“You follow me.” Dutch said, which then they moved toward them again.

“Look stop! Arthur and I will be right back, we’re going to find some food and supplies. Don’t go anywhere. Ok?”

“Ok, we won’t do anything.” Molly said.

“Ok, you know what, do that. Until I come back.” Dutch shook his head.

As the story goes, Dutch and Arthur head off to find Micah who found a house with some folks there. Dutch went to greet one, which Micah warns Arthur of a dead man in the cart, signifying trouble.

As Arthur took the horse from the barn, he tied it to the tree as Dutch Van Der Linde went into the house where they just killed O'Driscoll men. Arthur got in as he heard a commotion, “No, no bad Micah, no. That is not an O’Driscoll.”

“But she sure done look like one. She sur is purty.” Micah Chased Sadler around the table before flipping it over and setting the place on fire. Arthur pulled Micah away from her, then took Sadler by the hand, “look, we’re saving you. You’re alright.”

“Ok.”

They returned to the abandoned mining town where the girls took Sadie Adler in their care. As it turned out that her husband had been murdered by the O’Driscoll gang. She had been hiding in the cellar until Dutch and Arthur showed up.

By morning, Dutch took a couple of his men including Arthur to the gang’s hideout. They hid up in the hill to overlook the place, they found Colm there who was leaving. Dutch and the rest went down there to dispatch all of the O’Driscoll gang. They found dynamites and took them, as they plan to steal the O’Driscoll’s plans to rob the train.

Arthur and Dutch spotted a lone O’Driscoll feller trying to escape, which Dutch told him to capture him. As Arthur caught up with him, he dragged him back to their encampment. Abigail begged Arthur to find john Marston. Arthur reluctantly decided to help find him with Javier’s help. They head up in the snowy mountain and called for John. They heard John’s voice. As they found him, John was badly scarred and bloody from wolf attacks.

“Boy am I glad to see you guys.” John said to them.

Arthur jumps down next to him, “So, you’re gonna turn into a wolf yet?”

“Oh shut up and help get me out of here.” John sighed. They put him on Javier’s horse just as the wolves came down from the mountain after them.

“I guess they are coming for round two.” Arthur said.

As he said that, the wolves came down to kill them. Arthur killed them easily with his handgun and they managed to returned to encampment. Abigail thanked Arthur and Javier.

As the snowstorm died down, Charles and Arthur went out to hunt some deer for Pearson to cook and feed the group. The next day, Dutch gathered couple of the guys to go rob a train. They found the Train tracks which Bill started setting up the dynamites. Bill plunges the detonator which seem to not be working. So Arthur and the others chased down the train they were robbing, which then Arthur finally reached the engine.

“Shit, how many are there?” Arthur yelled as so many guys came up onto them. After the battle was over, Arthur placed the bomb on the private car. Which then blew off more than what they intended, “Oh shit!”

Dutch sighed, “There goes the money.”

After the day has passed, the gang moved on to a new territory.

CHAPTER TWO

They reach their new encampment in the middle of the woods not too far from the town called Valentine. As the camp is built, Hosea tells Arthur to check on Reverend when he can. Arthur and uncle takes three of the girls onto Valentine to rob a couple of blokes. As the girls were off to have their fun, uncle takes Arthur shopping.

“have I ever told you that you’re my favorite parasite?”

“Shut up.” Uncle said.

They stopped as they see two strange Asian men looking very much like them. One turned to his friend speaking in foreign language, which is Japanese, “You don’t have Lumbago, you are just lazy.”

“Oh shut your mouth, here comes one of our girls.”

A small petite Japanese girl came up to them, “There is a train full of wealthy people. We can rob them.”

“Very good.” The man who looked like Arthur, “Now if you excuse me, I gotta go see how Suzi is doing.”

Arthur and Uncle watch him walk over to a white man harassing another asian girl who clearly tried to rob him, “Hey, bet it pal.” When the white man refuse to leave, then Arthur look alike pulled his sword, which the guy got the message and left.

Arthur turned to uncle, “Did we just see what I think we just saw?”

“That was my idea!” Uncle pouted when he saw his other version drinking whiskey on the bench.

Jimmy came up to Arthur, “you from Blackwater, right?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“yes, yes you must be.” He runs off on his horse, which Arthur chases him down. Jimmy fell off, then Arthur showed up, “why are you chasing me?”

“I have an unfortunate face. Now, I was from Blackwater, but here’s a Thing… I could kill you. Should i?”

“nope, nope we're cool. Never saw you ever in my life.” Then Jimmy ran away again.

“Javier! Charles.” Arthur meets the two men in the bar, which they turned to see another man bump into Bill, which then he shoved him into the table and started fighting.

“For a moment, I thought he was gonna kiss the feller.”

“Bar fight!” someone yelled. As the people started fighting, Tommy came in, “Oh boy, a bar fight. I get to be in a bar fight.”

“No, no. Bad Tommy, bad! No bar fight for you. You’re already grounded mister.” A skinny man in a white apron stopped him by the stairway.

“But pa.”

“That other feller you just put in the hospital is still in the hospital. Go to your room.” He wagged his finger in his face, shaming him. Pouting, Tommy walked back up the stairs with his head down, “Not fair. Everybody gets to have fun bar fighting and I get in trouble for fighting.”

Arthur stood there with his two friends, “Well that is a sorry sight.”

After the bar fight was over, Arthur and the others returned to Camp. Hosea was polishing his rifle, which Arthur showed up. Hosea asked Arthur, “You wanna go hunting?”

Arthur shrugged, “sure.”

They head off into the valley, where the great legendary grizzly bear was living. Later on, they meet the legendary bear, which Arthur screamed, “I regret my decision!!”

Arthur escaped from the jaws of the Bear and decided to return to Camp with Hosea. He remembered to try and find Reverend. He managed to find him by the mill playing poker drunk. Arthur tried to get him to return to the camp with him, but reverend stumbled away before he can find him. He saw him wandering onto the train tracks. Arthur caught up to him just as reverend’s foot was trapped and the train is coming by fast. He wretched the reverend’s leg from the train track and they both lean over the side just as the train blasts by.

Reverend screams at him after they got off the train tracks, “You tried to throw me over the bridge!”

“There was a god damn train, you moron!” Arthur yelled at him.

Reverend looked at him, “Had I been bad again, Mr. Morgan? I’m sorry! I’ll bend myself over your knees so you can spank me.”

“What, no, just put your damn pants back on and… Reverend, get off of me!” Arthur yelled. After Reverend passes out, he took him back to the camp. Strauss had given Arthur a short list of people who owed debt to them. As he reached a guy who claimed he wasn’t the guy who owed him money, he tried to flee. Arthur got on the wrong horse. As he chased him down, the horse bucked him and he lost him.

“Damn the horse!” Arthur yelled.

He got on his own horse and tracked him down. As the guy handed Arthur the map to his stash, “You better be sure there’s money there or…” Suddenly with no will of his own, he shot him dead next to the tracks, “Well, it doesn’t matter anymore. Shit, I think the player must really hate the guy.” Arthur visited Downes’ house, attempting to collect a debt, Downes warned, “Please, I don’t have the money but don’t approach me. I’m very ill.”

“I need my money!” Arthur throttled him. Downes then coughed in his face, “Ugh.”

His wife and son came out and she said, “Oh please, he’s very ill!”

“I want my money!”

Kieran sobbed as he was tied to the tree as Arthur approached, “I didn’t know you could impersonate a weeping willow.”

“Shut up!”

Dutch approached him, “now are you gonna talk so shall we see how a eunuch looks like?”

“ok, ok, I know colm doesn’t like you.”

“tell us what we don’t know captain obvious!” Dutch yelled.

“Alright, alright… he’s hiding in a secret volcano lair… not buying it? Alright, alright keep that thing away from me! I don’t want to be a eunuch! He has a hideout. I can take you there.”

Dutch waves Bill away from the hot tongs he was holding, “Alright, then you will take the guys over to Colm’s place.”

“Yeah, it’s about time you and I have fun drinking while we leave Micah to rot in jail. For a least a while.” Arthur said as he and Lenny were told to go and rescue Micah but get Lenny drunk first. They went to a saloon and started drinking. Arthur wandered around in the saloon drunk as a skunk and walked into a couple having sex. Then his face turned into Quagmire and said, “Heh, heh alright.”

He returned to the bar room which he found Lenny on top trying to fend off a couple of drunken guys. Arthur came up and tried to tell them to get lost. Then they all started dancing together in a line. Lenny and Arthur laughed and drank some more.

Arthur went out to relieve himself and then entered the saloon, which everyone looked like Lenny. He went upstairs and in on the couple having sex, which now are two Lenny’s.

After his short shock, he and the real Lenny went outside and started chasing pigs. Several deputies came after them, which then they were caught. As Arthur wakes up in jail, the sheriff sat by his desk, “Well, well. You two boys are such trouble. Do you know what you guys did?”

“Now, now wait Sheriff, I was drunk. I don’t remember what i…” Arthur started. Sheriff interrupted him, “Public drunkenness, Indecent exposure, sleeping with the Mayor’s wife and daughters, stole a couple of hogs, claimed that you’re the son of God, then claimed you’re the President of the united states…”

As he goes on, the deputy steps in, “Umm, sheriff? That’s not their crimes.”

Then the Sheriff stopped at looked again at the paper and then shredded it, “Just, just get out of my office.”

Arthur reaches Strawberry where he finds Micah by the prison cell. He smirks at him, “Well, looks like the rat finally is back in his cage.”

“Oh Morgan, get me out of here.” Micah begged.

Arthur thought about it, “Naw.”

Then a rockstar employee in a suit showed up, “Actually you should get him out and you would need to kill half the population of Strawberry to get him out of here safely.”

“And if I don’t?” Arthur asked.

“Well my associates and I can break your legs, then mend it, and break it again over and over..” He smiles.

Arthur looked at him fearfully, “Fair enough.”

After having killed half of the population of Strawberry, he and Micah got to the cliff by the beach, “Are you going to come back to Dutch?”

Micah smiled, “Oh no, Morgan. I’ve been a bad boy,” Which Arthur looked at him fuming, “So you may need to spank me…” and Micah runs off laughing as Arthur charges at him in rage, “I should have left you to rot, you bastard!”

After Arthur rescues Sean, he said, “you know… nothing means more to me than this gang. The bond we share… it’s the most real thing to me. I would kill for it, I would happily die for it… but in spite of all that… I would have just left you here to rot… if Charles hadn’t stopped me.”

Sean shook his head, “Oh that’s not true Arthur Morgan. I knew you love me. I knew you hunger for me hot Irish Arse.”

“That does it.” Arthur chases after Sean who ran, laughing.

Arthur decided he wasn’t going to just stick around and listen to Dutch make “grand schemes” that will make them rich and head off to some island where it rains manna. So instead, he decided to do some exploring. It was a big world, so he found himself in some forest. He and his horse are tired, so he decided to camp.

Arthur was camping in a forest, just as he was getting comfortable and ready to cook, two gentlemen came onto his camp. One knelt down, “mind if I warm myself up?”

Another said, “You’re trespassing on our property. You better leave and never come back here again.” He had a gun pointed at Arthur.

The guy by the fire said, “Just so you know. Come on, I think he got the message.”

As they were getting on their horse, Arthur got up with his shotgun, “Oh I got the message alright,” and killed them both before they could notice the gun, “I camp however I damn well please!”

“So Jack, have you ever done fishing? It’s about time you start earning your keep. You’re getting bigger by the day.” Arthur said after Abigail asked him to spend time with the boy.

“I never did fishing before Uncle Arthur.”

“Well come along, I’ll show you the best place to fish.”

He takes the boy onto his horse and rode a short ways away to the river. Arthur began showing Jack how to fish. Jack got bored, “I want to stop fishing.”

“Ah kid, you sure are missing out the finest thing; fishing. So relaxing, so peaceful and…”

“Good morning Mr. Morgan.” Milton said.

“Ah, hello.” Arthur turned around, seeing two pinktertons there.

“I got a proposition to make for you; hand over Dutch Van Der Linde and you won’t swing.”

“You sure you want to say that in front of a kid? Seriously? I’m just minding my own god damn business and trying to teach this boy fishing and you come here threatening me? In front of a child? And you consider yourself a moral man? I see nothing but a bunch of hypocrites.”

Milton looked at him, feeling embarrassed, “Well… we’ll just go now.”

Arthur walked onto the property of a couple who invited him in for supper. Arthur looked at the man who for some reason looked like Jabba the hutt, “Why, this is a surprise. Please come in. We got food on the stove and a nice beverage we’ve been saving.” Arthur blinked.

Now the guy looked like Tweedledum, “Don’t be shy stranger, we assure you that we’re a good couple.”

As they sat down at the table, The man looked like Oogie Boogie from nightmare before Christmas, “This place used to be a pig farm when we were kids, before we lost ma and pa.” he said as he hand fed his sister/wife. Arthur left the house as it was burning.

Arthur strut around in Valentine, feeling proud, “I’m a bad mother ******, I have nothing but bad bones indeed. I’m never a good man. Everyone fears me as they should. I’m tough as I come, I’m going to tear this country to pieces…” he stopped as he looked at a tiny kitten which looked at him with huge saucer eyes, “Mew.”

“KAWAII!! This is the most cutest kitty in the world! Oh, I wish I can keep you but I got a reputation to keep.” Arthur said as he gushed over the kitten.

As he rode his horse back to camp, he didn’t realize that the kitten had followed him. As they got into camp, Jack picked up the kitten, “Oh wow, a kitty! Came I keep him Mr. Morgan?”

Arthur looked at him surprised, but before he could say anything, Mr. Pearson shown up, “Why this is a surprise. I bet this cat can be of a use to us, keep the pests away from our food and keep Jack Entertained.”

Abigail walked over to the cat as she gushed over it, “it’s so cute.”

Dutch walked up to the cat, picked it up and looked at its huge saucer eyes, “Mew.” Then Dutch lost it, “D’aawww, it’s the cutest thing ever! We’re so keeping you!”

Arthur looked embarrassed and was trying to decide what to do, then Abigail said to him, “It’s quite a shame you’re not a loving man Mr. Morgan.”

He stomps off, “I got some things I need to deal with.”

“Oh Arthur, I know there is some good in you.” Mary told him.

Arthur looked out at the sunset, “But Mary, I told you I am not a good man. I robbed trains, and I rob banks. I hurt people, and I am a debt collector. I’m an outlaw and I …”

“Oh Arthur, yes I know all about the things your gang wants you to do Arthur, but I saw you. But Oh Arthur, you taught that lady how to hunt and fend for herself. Oh, Arthur You donated money to the veteran home shelter. Oh Arthur, You have saved so many people. Oh, Arthur, I saw you give women rides back home, rescuing people that needed saving, helped that poor man get to a doctor, and took in a kitten.”

Arthur turned around to her, feeling at a loss. She stood there, crossing her arms. Then Arthur ripped his shirt, “This is the skin of a killer, Mary!”

In the not too distant part of her house, her father stood there with a shotgun, fuming.

“So you going to rescue my brother?” Mary asked.

Arthur sighed, “Fine.”

“Dutch Van Der Linde! You never met me, but I am Leviticus Cornwall! And I am not a man to be messed with by the likes of you!” Leviticus yelled.

“So you’re a woman instead?” Dutch teased.

“What? No, I’m not someone you want to mess with! And I got your two friends who I will kill!”

John and Strauss are held Hostage. Arthur helped saved the two as Leviticus escaped and the four of them fled for their lives.

“Looks like we’re gotta find us a new home.” Dutch said.

“…” Arthur sighed heavily.

Charles, “Hey, there’s a family under the wagon.”

Arthur sees a woman with two small children hidden under the wagon and she had a gun, “Oh hey, you’re ok. You’re safe.”

The woman started speaking in German, “they took my husband.”

“Oh, sorry I can’t understand.”

“My… Husband… taken…” she said in broken English.

“Ok, we’ll rescue his butt and you gotta get outta here.” Arthur sighed. They found a camp where the settler was held, which turned out to be an ambush. After they killed the attackers, Arthur took the settler back to his family.

“Thank you, we thank you,” He said in German.

“Yeah, yeah, look get out of here. It’s not safe here.”

“You are a good man.”

“Stop saying that.” Arthur grumbled.

CHAPTER THREE

“Hey Arthur, meet the Greys. This is Sheriff grey.”

“You sure are a true man…” the sheriff said before he ran out of his office to puke his guts out.

“Ah, they have us do something for a job.”

“Sheriff, the prisoners are escaping!” deputy said.

There are several prisoners running away, which Author came to the train they were on and took them down. Sheriff Grey was pleased, “You’re my new deputy now.”

“What am I, roasted chicken?” his other deputy asked.

“Give this letter to Penelope, the girl of my dreams. She’s a Braithwaite and I’m a grey. Our families are always feuding over each other.”

“Ah, a Romeo and Juliet. Try not to die this time.” Arthur rolled his eyes.

“What?” Beau asked.

“It’s a joke.”

“Alright, we got an intel on a moonshine business and I want you guys to shut it down.” Sheriff grey said.

“Alright.” Arthur said and they went to the swamp where the moonshine is kept. They blew up their business and have taken the remaining moonshine onto the wagon.”

“I sure love to drink me some moonshine…” a deputy said. Then he turned to Dutch and Arthur, “But I know I couldn’t.”

“No worries son, just go and take one for yourself. We’ll take care of the rest.”

“Hello Mrs. Braithwaite, we got these lovely moonshine we been wanting to sell it to you.” Hosea said to her.

She looked at the two with a nasty look on her face, “ugh. Go give it to the boys in Rhodes for free, I ain’t having this shit. You and your stupid looking friend.”

“What a lovely woman.” Arthur said.

“I ain’t no lovely woman.” Spat at him.

“I wasn’t talking to you, I was talking to the fella behind you.” Arthur jeered.

“We’re here about seeing the horses. We learned how very valuable they are,” Arthur said.

One of the Braithwaite nodded, “Yeah, worth $50,000 a piece.”

“What? Are they plated in gold or something? I met a $300 horse, not thousands.” Arthur said.

They convinced the Braithwaite to let them in, which they got to the horses and then stole them. They head to the fellers they were told to sell it to.

The ugly redneck looked at the horse, “They sure look purty. $50.”

“Go #@$% yourself.” Arthur spat.

“hey, with all the tobacco that they Greys Grew, why don’t we just light them up?” Sean said.

“Sounds like a plan. We want them to think the Braithwaite did it and would kill them and the Braithwaite think Greys stole their horses.” Arthur said.

They dumped gas all around the crop and by the time they light the place up, they started escaping.

“Oops… wrong crops… I thin this was not the greys… $#!%.” Arthur noticed.

“Hey guys, I just heard that Colm wants to have a parley.” Dutch said.

“Sounds like a trap to me.” Hosea said.

“Nah, it’s good. Maybe we can put it behind us.”

They head out to the plains to meet up with Colm. Dutch turned to Arthur, “Now, if this is a trap, I want you to help protect us from about.”

“Ok.” Arthur said and then left to the cliff above.

Colm comes down to them, “Ah, Dutch. Still up in your little fantasy world? How’s that little dream of yours coming along?”

“Oh it’s great. We had girls in grass skirts and we’ve got giant mansions each, even one for the dog.”

“You killed my brother.”

“You killed my Annabelle.”

“Well I never liked him anyway.”

“Well I loved her. So are we settling this parley? Is it over?”

Arthur turns around to see an O’Driscoll knock him out. He finds himself in the basement tied upside down. Colm comes downstairs to meet him, “Ah sweet Arthur, how I missed you. Surely you don’t buy this bullshit from Dutch right? Come join me instead. We got cookies. No? Well fine, we’ll leave you here for Dutch to come and rescue you.”

Arthur meets up with Trelawney, “What is it?”

“Ever robbed a stagecoach son?”

“Well, I robbed a bank, you know that, I robbed trains, I’ve robbed from men and women on horses, I’ve robbed a mouse in a house, a fox in a box, and I robbed a man with green eggs and ham.”

“I can’t tell if you’re messing with me. Well anyway, I got this feller who can tell you what stagecoach to rob. So we got a stagecoach, so let’s go.”

They head out onto the road where it was said they would arrive.

“Now here’s what I want you to do, I want you to sneak up behind the coach while I distract them and you go and relieve them of their goodies.”

“Sounds easy enough.” Arthur said. Trelawney rushes up to the coach, “My fair lady, I couldn’t help but notice your musical talent.”

“Oh why thank you my good man, so good to see someone appreciating my singing and isn’t some highway robber out to relieve me of my goodies.”

“Oh, now why would we think of a horrible thing like that? Nah, I would love to hear you sing.”

“Alright my good, nice innocent wonderful man not out to rob me or anything, I’ll sing you the song of my people.” And she pulls out her gun and starts shooting, “I saw that $#!% from another feller you b#@$#@ds!”

Arthur and Trelawney runs away.

Arthur walks into Rhodes which he met with Bill, Micah and Sean.

“The greys say they got a security job for us.” Bill said.

Arthur looked at the empty town, “I have a bad feeling about this…”

“Oh $#!%.” Sean said, before he got shot.

Micah asked Arthur, “Is he deeead?”

“Ah no, he just sleepin’. He be knocked out for a while then good as new in the morning.” Arthur said.

“I hate it when you get sarcastic with me, Arthur.” Micah grumbled.

“I hate it when people keep stating the obvious. Sucks, huh?” Arthur snaps back.

“They kidnapped Jack!” Abigail cried.

“We’ll get him back right now.” Dutch said and the group went down to Braithwaite mansion. They burn down the house as Mrs. Braithwaite screamed, “I never liked you! You murdered all of my sons, you stole my horses, you snuck onto my property and started sending me spam! I hate spam! I don’t want no green eggs either, or your Christmas carols!!”

“Where is the boy?” Dutch asked.

“Sold to that Italian fellow. Maybe turning him into meatballs for his spaghetti.”

“Well, well…” Milten said as he and 50 pinktertons showed up, “Looks like we got all the gang together and now you all will be placed under arrest.”

“Excuse me, excuse me,” a rockstar employee showed up, “Hi, Milten. Yes sorry, look I love what you’re doing. You guys are doing great and so spectacular. Just one small problem; we can’t let you take everyone right now. Right now, we got a couple of more chapters to go and then you will have time to take on them all. What do you say? Just you and Ross and everyone just hang back.”

“Well… your money is good. Fine.”

After the rest of the Pinktertons leave, Milten threatens Dutch, “I’ll get you my little pretty and your little gang too with fifty pinktertons!”

CHAPTER FOUR

As Arthur walked in the Saint Denis, he heard a cry, “Let me vote! It’s a national disgrace.”

Then his face turned to an evil grin as horns sprout out of his forehead. A strange music started playing, “Highway to hell.”

He punched the suffragate, then dragged her out of the city. Police chased after him, but soon lost him. He then dangled her in front of a hungry alligator by tying her to a rope and hanging her up from the tree. Later he tied her to a different tree, surrounded by rednecks. As the music still played, Dutch and everyone started doing headbang to the music.

Another every day to day he walked into town, he bumped into someone, who then took a spill. Then the guy who fell cried, “You shoved me. I’m telling sheriff!”

“Oh come on buddy, I barely touched you.”

Then warning came on, which Arthur said, “Oh come on! Seriously?”

“So here we stand,” Dutch said with his gun drawn, “It’s finally time we end this once and for all.” He stares down at a rock. Dutch was drunk as hell, “You murdered my girl I loved, you greasy haired pile of dog turds.”

Charles stood next to Arthur, looking nervous, “Is he alright?”

Arthur shook his head, “I think Micah gave him a rather stiff one.”

Then Kieran fell over hearing that.

“Give us your money old man,” a teenage punk threatened him with a gun, which then Arthur killed him. Warning came on again, “It’s self-defense Rockstar and you know it!” and he stormed off before the police arrived.

An officer walked up to the dead punk, “Oh those poor thieves trying to rob someone. Don’t worry little mugger-wanna-bes, I’ll find whoever did this.” And he walked off like nothing happened. A woman walked by, “Oh no, what happened?” and walked off like nothing happened. Arthur looked at her, “Um.. what?” Another guy walked along, “My god, this can’t be happening.” And walked off like nothing happened. Arthur nodded, “Oh ok, I get it. Skyrim references. Real funny.”

“No lollygagging!” a guard said to him.

“Oh enough of this already!” Arthur shouted.

“I used to be an outlaw like you…” Arthur growled and then punched him. As the warning again appeared again, Arthur already left.

Bronte, “You already a destroyed a Braithwaite family, which a I have a no reason to a keep a boy with me a no more. I’ll a give you a the boy a back. All I a ask you in a return a take a care of a grave robbers a. Now you a excuse me, I a must a finish a meatballs for a my a spaghetti.”

“Such Italian stereotype.” Arthur muttered.

Again, we fast-forward to having Jack back and they’re riding with Jack with Dutch.

“Did they hurt you Jack?” Dutch asked.

“No. I had loads of fun. I have my own room, I was taught Italian language, I enjoyed Spaghetti, and had a good time.”

“Geez, they kidnap you, sold you to Bronte only to give you a good life? For crying out loud, what messed up world is this?”

Abigail hugs Jack, “Oh you poor baby, you must have been so scared. It’s alright, they won’t hurt you no more.”

“They didn’t do anything to them, really.” Arthur explained.

“But they a kidnapped my a baby!” She now said in Italian accent.

“I’m Eagle Flies, I must kill these white men for they are bad and did bad things to my people.”

“No, my beloved son, you mustn’t give into hate, we must approach this peacefully.” Rain Falls explained.

“You are old and decrypted father, go to bed. You understand nothing.” Eagle flies rides off.

“I like this boy. I can use him to our advantage.” Dutch said.

Arthur chased down another kidnapper who had a black woman hogtied to his horse. As he rescued her, she just got up and walked away.

Arthur stood there, “Oh no, no you don’t need to thank me for saving you. No please, no scene. I mean I took my time and energy saving your ass to rescue you and all you do is walk away like nothing just happened a few seconds ago. Are you even human?”

The woman then turned around, “10001110011100011001000100111000” and walked away.

“Learn to speak english!” he walked off in a huff.

In the camp, they see Dutch with a plate on the table. “Dutch, that’s that?” Arthur asked.

“I told you arthur,” Dutch smiled, “I had a flan.”

Sadie Adler turned to Dutch, “I want to fight like you guys do. Let me fight.”

Dutch turned to her, “Not right now, Sadie.” Then as they head inside, he turned to Arthur, “With women like her, we may see real scary shit.”

“With women like her, there wouldn’t be much of a world left.”

“Boy Howdy, ain’t that the truth! Preach it Mr. Morgan! No woman has any sanity within her, no self control and is always so damn emotional!”

“Dutch! Arthur! There’s Keiran… holding his head… but it’s not on his shoulders…” Charles said outside. Then women started screaming.

“Ok, we’re being ambushed by the O’driscol boys. Where’s Sadie?” Dutch asked.

Sadie had started killing so many of the O’driscols. “Um…. No, I think she is good.” Arthur said, seeing her vicious face.

“Hey, get out of my camp!” a lone cowboy looked up at Arthur.

“Whoa, hey no need to act aggressive, I’m not…” then the cowboy shot at him.

“Oh fine, then it’s war!” and Arthur blew his arms off. The guy fell face down into the firepit, as to add insult to his literal injures. Then Arthur proceeds to loot several things. A red little moral meter appeared, “Oh can it.”

Then he felt bad, “Maybe I should have just left the place alone, and leave that poor feller in peace. Then again he did shoot me unprovoked.”

A man in a suit walked up to Arthur. He was wearing a badge that said, “Rockstar employee.” He said, “We need you to hunt and kill animals, skin them alive and bring them to camp to upgrade some stuff.”

“Geez, what if I don’t want to kill any of these poor animals? Well, maybe a deer or rabbit for food, but for sport?”

“Then prepared to be eaten by cougars, wolves, bears and alligators.”

With that, he left, which Arthur turned to see all of them coming at him, “Ah SHIT!!”

Arthur and Lenny walked into a group of Ku Klux Klan members appointing someone into their group. Arthur got a devil grin on his face, “Hey fellas, look what I got!” He pulled Lenny from behind the tree, which he said, “hey, where the white women at?”

The grand dragon looked at him, “Whoa, dude, seriously? Did you just said something racist?”

“What, I thought you guys hate black people or something.”

“No, no, we don’t hate black people.”

“or the jews.” Another one said.

“Yeah that too, we hate white men. We’re really just out for white blood, not black people.”

Arthur looked at him confused, then grinned, “Where the black women at?” and he and Lenny ran laughing. The KKK started running after them, “You RACIST b$#%@#ds!”

“Hamish? Hamish!” Arthur found Hamish dying. Hamish looked at him, “Kill the boar.”

“The boy? Why would you want me to kill a child?”

Hamish shook his head angrily, “The boar, the boar, the fucking pig that killed me!” And then he dies. As he gets up, he saw the boar baring down at him. Arthur stood their with a machete, “Alright swine, I’m going to kill you… but first I must drink.” Then Arthur drank several bottles of rum. The boar stared at him. Then Arthur staggered, “Come and get me now you wild boar! I’m Robert the Bruce! No, I’m Robert the king of Westeros!”

“Reeee!!” Then the boar charged him down, which Arthur managed to kill it. Arthur looked at him, “Ha! Even drunk, I’m better than that fat bastard of a king. What the #@%$ am I talking about?”

Another woman screamed for help, which Arthur decided to charged down the kidnapper, only to see some people rushing by him. A woman clad in little armor and a chakram. Then a tall scottish man rushing down in blue paint, “freeeddooooommmmm!”

“Umm… what?” Arthur said as he still kept running.

Luke skywalker was on the biker, then Delorean rushed by, and then the same armored Asian guy ran by screaming.

“Alright, that’s it. I’m out of here!” Arthur huffed in frustration and left. Just as a bicycle flew overhead and the little alien said, “Eeeeeettaaayyy phoooone hooome.”

After the bank was foiled by the presence of the Pinkertons, Arthur climbed over the roof and met with Lenny who was trying to guide him, but two pinkertons showed up and shot him dead, “Oh my god, they killed Lenny!”

Dutch said, “You bastards!”

Arthur carried the wanted man that the scientist wanted to test his electric chair on onto his horse. They’ve traveled far and wide across the state. Before he got near the swamp, several angry men screamed at Arthur for stealing moonshine and before Arthur could get away or fight back, he got killed.

He wakes up and is right back to where he started “Geez, let’s try this again.” Arthur took him down and rode all the way down, taking a detour to reach the city. They managed to find him. Arthur managed to kill the guys trying to kill him. He then ended up running over a man on the horse and was killed.

Arthur blinked and he was right back to where he started again, “Oh for crying out loud!” And again, he ran all the way to the town, and once more the guys killed him again.

Arthur roared in frustration and then took his horse and the guy close to the swam, snuck in by himself and found the guys waiting to ambush him and tackled them one by one shanking the tar out of them.

Panting in rage, he retrieved his horse and the guy. He got into town and gave him to the scientist. Next day he arrived to witness the guy in the chair getting electrocuted. So did the scientist. Arthur then approached the guy in the chair and slightly nudged the corpse. Then his face fell over right between the legs and into his crotch on the chair and Arthur laughed, “Oh this is awesome. Now I feel better!” and takes a picture, “I’m gonna tell all of the guys at camp. They’re gonna have a laugh.”

After having foiled Colm’s plan of escape, Arthur stood on the rooftop, watching.

While he didn’t notice at first, Colm laughed, “Ah yeah, I’m a very bad man. I did bad, bad things. Yah, before you hang me, you could have me bend over your knee so you can spank me.”

Arthur groaned, “Oh god damn weirdos.”

“Workers getting upset? I don’t give a damn about workers’ rights or their wages! They better shut their trap and get back to work.” Leviticus said.

“Well that’s a blooming shame,” Dutch appeared from behind the crate, “Seems like to me you just use people for your own greed, you rob the people, you hurt people and do terrible things to people. The only difference between you and me is that I’m honest about it.”

“You have a lot of nerve showing up.”

“Oh yeah,” Dutch said, “My associate here thinks I’m crazy. But I tell you what, you give me a few thousands of dollars and give me that boat and I’ll be out of your hair for good?”

“not a chance in hell.” Leviticus laughed.

Dutch nodded, “I was hoping you’ll say that.” The gun clicks, “Ah god damn it.” And then he and the other two ran off.

“You didn’t load before you got here?!” Arthur yelled.

“Shut it, I had a plan and someone foiled me!” Dutch cried.

“I have a plan,” Dutch said. Everyone rounded up in camp to hear him, “We’re going to be Mormons. Nah, I’m just kidding. I don’t have a plan yet.”

Just as everyone begins walking away in disappointment, Dutch said, “No, I have a plan now!”

They listened to him, “We’re going to this island and adopt balls and name it wilson.”

Sighing, they walked away.

Dutch sighed as he stood in front of Arthur and the others, “We just need one more score. One more and we can get out of this country and into some paradise.”

“We had no money to get anywhere.” Bill told him.

Arthur stood there, “Look, I’ve been all over the place, I got the money. Look, we got everything we need. Here’s $100,000 I’ve been carrying round with me. We can just go on a ship and leave now.”

Dutch shook his head, “one more score…”

“Did you not hear me? I got us money, we can all go.” Arthur explained.

“Why are you always questioning and doubting me, Arthur?” Dutch moans.

Micah slides over to Arthur, “Show some respect, black lung.”

“Am I, am I just invisible or something? Am I speaking a different language? For fuck sake, Just take the damn money, Dutch! We don’t need to make anther score!”

“Gentlemen, we’re going to rob us a bank!” Dutch said and got onto his horse as did everybody. Arthur sighed heavily.

Grimshaw storms up to Arthur, “Mister Morgan, when did you last have a bath?”

“Um… uuuhhh…”

Before he can answer, she takes him by the ear and starts stripping his clothes off, “Mrs. Grimshaw… geez…”

“Oh Can it, Mr. Morgan, I did this to every men and women in this camp!”

Morgan looked at her, horrified, “I can do this myself… Really Mrs. Grimshaw, no need…” Then she dunks him in the water and starts scrubbing.

“Ow, ow, ow, Not so hard. Come on, This is humiliating. Not even with Dutch would you do this.”

She leaned in close to Arthur, with a cruel smile, “Not only did I washed Dutch, I washed Jesus Christ himself.”

Arthur looked at her shocked, “You didn’t…”

Then there’s Jesus Christ in the tub with him, “Don’t even start.”

Arthur wakes up to the guy punching him in the face, “Who are you? Who are you? Who are you? Who are you? Who are you?”

“Hey, hey, hey, hey… HEY!! How do you expect me to answer that, if you keep punching me?” Arthur yelled at his torturer.

He yells at him, “Who are you?”

“Do you want to know who I am?”

“Who… Are… YOU?!”

“I am… YOUR FATHER!!” Arthur shouted.

“No, that’s not true. That’s impossible!” The guy said.

“You’re right, I’m not.” Then kicks him in the balls and gets away.

Micah was seated next to Milton who had given him steak to eat, “this is delicious. But I know it’s not all just because you are trying to be kind.”

“Yeah, we wanted Dutch.” Milton said.

“Yeah, they’re about to have this bank heist in Saint Denis.”

“Very good. Was there anything you want from this?”

“Yeah, I want nothing to do with this, you hear? I don’t want any of this. I want something glamourous, something like Governor job. Be paid millions and have people pay taxes to me.”

“Anything you want.” Milton smiled.

Then the guy named Cypher came up, “Hey, that’s my steak.”

Micah shot him dead.

“They was talking of hanging me Dutch!”

“So they were just talking!” Dutch said, feeling annoyed, “I had a god damn plan. I was coming for you.”

“And when will that be?” John asked.

“… “ Dutch walked away.

Later, they try to rob a train, John fell off and Dutch left him. After a while Dutch sees John approached him, “You left me to die, Dutch!”

“… I had no choice…”

Arthur growled, “It’s time we choose a side! This charade is over!”

“The british are coming, the british are coming!” Javier said.

“Pinkertons, you idiot!”

“Go, Go John. Go to your family.” Arthur coughed and then took his hat and put it on his head, “Be a man that you were meant to be.”

“You,” John said, “You’re like a brother to me.”

As John leaves, Arthur turns his gun to the pinkertons, “Come on you bastards.”

Then a small creature landed on him, “Nasty little thieves. Mustn’t hurt the precious. No, not a Hobbit. Ah, fat Hobbit tricks poor Smeagol.” And Smeagol leaves.

Then Micah lands on him and they fought for several minutes, before Arthur began climbing toward his gun. Dutch stood there with his gun. Arthur coughed, “Micah was the rat. I did good for you and the others.”

Dutch walked away, which Micah yelled in frustration and left.

Arthur watched the sunset before he died.