Practical Fatalism or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Absurd

Recently I was feeling an overwhelming sense of dread about the impending doom of mankind. Cliche, I know. But I just couldn’t shake the feeling.

So I did what any sensible Millennial would do: I watched silly videos on YouTube.

It worked.

Yes, somewhere in the back of my mind I knew that none of the logical propositions upon which my sense of dread was based had been refuted. And yet it made no difference.

This is the power of Segata Sanshiro, stalwart hero of video game promotional ads.

This power — which enables him to defeat a nightclub filled with adversaries in three moves, which he uses to clone thousands of mini-me’s capable of conquering the world, and which imbues him with the strength to defy gravity and reverse the trajectory of nuclear missiles — has transcended the realm of material force and achieved the impossible: overcoming the dictates of logic through sheer joy.

Yes, the world is still doomed — but who cares? My heart no longer has room for such trivial tedium.

If the exploits of this hero can transport my psyche to such a jovial and cathartic state, what other wonders might the YouTubes contain?

The answer is obvious: “Chuck Norris VS Segata Sanshiro.” This is a detailed analysis of the ultimate metaphysical question: In a battle, which of these immortals would prevail?

Answer: When an unstoppable force meets an immovable object…

These and other such monuments of Western civilization had an indelible impact upon me. They taught me that art has the ability to transcend the mind and profoundly impact the soul.

But seriously, I learned a valuable lesson that day: Sometimes you can’t resist logic with science and syllogisms. Sometimes the heart has a logic all its own.