During my senior year of high school I was friends with this guy named Gordon. Gordon was usually pretty cool, but this mf did literally just one thing that pissed me off to no end. We had this English teacher, Mrs. Anderson, and every quarter we were required to submit a book report to her for some stupid percent of our quarterly grade. During my first three years of high school I may not have cared to do this type of an assignment- for a number of reasons I don't really wanna talk about it, but my parents basically hid my report cards from me for years, and it was during my senior year that I realized that without trying, I was a straight A student. I didn't realize at this time that your senior year isn't very important for college, so I wanted very badly to maintain my straight As during my final year of high school. Anyway, so I did my quarterly book reports -- Gordon absolutey never did his, and Mrs. Anderson would let him slide because she liked him so much. She'd always be like "Oh it's okay Gordon, I know ur smart", or whatever. Well at the end of the year, I was paired with Gordon to do a final project in Civics, where we had to write about Roe v Wade, and I literally gave up my straight A status just to stick it to him over the quarterly book reports. Ms. Stutz (civics teacher,) found out I did this so I got in trouble, but basically I let Gordon do the whole project. I didn't communicate with him, I didn't write anything, I didn't do any of our research. Fuck u, Gordon. We all had to write book reports in Mrs. A's class - NOT FAIR Ms. Stutz failed me for the project and it made me finish with a C in her class. Totally worth it though, honestly.
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Kevin and I used to do food dares during lunch, where we'd dare each other to eat this, or eat that, or whatever. We would always take the weirdest, nastiest combinations of foods available to us and basically just play chicken, or survival, idk - basically whoever threw up first, or refused to eat the dare food, lost. Well this caught the attention of some of our teachers, and they forbade us from playing this game anymore after awhile. Not that that stopped us, but we had to be a little sneakier going forward - just like gun control. This was early on in eighth grade; anyway one day Kevin mixed yogurt, cheetos, some pickles, I think a few pixie sticks, and honestly I'm not sure what all else into a red Gatorade, and the dare was for me to drink it. Ms. Hopkins kinda half-spotted us doing this and started walking over to the table, and I noticed her, so I put the Gatorade away before we got in trouble. The agreement for when this type of thing happened was that 'eventually' the food dare would be completed. So lunch ended and I put this awful, ungodly concoction in my locker... where I forgot about it and it sat in the Florida heat for like 7 months. At the end of the year, during locker cleanouts, I unearthed this thing, by which point it had expanded and turned kinda off-yellow, the color of expansion foam. I couldn't open it, until eventually I was able to force it open, and it let off the worst hissing noise, and smelled absolutely nuclear. It was at this point that I lost food dares.

More from Michael Bobman

Kevin and I used to do food dares during lunch, where we'd dare each other to eat this, or eat that, or whatever. We would always take the weirdest, nastiest combinations of foods available to us and basically just play chicken, or survival, idk - basically whoever threw up first, or refused to eat the dare food, lost. Well this caught the attention of some of our teachers, and they forbade us from playing this game anymore after awhile. Not that that stopped us, but we had to be a little sneakier going forward - just like gun control. This was early on in eighth grade; anyway one day Kevin mixed yogurt, cheetos, some pickles, I think a few pixie sticks, and honestly I'm not sure what all else into a red Gatorade, and the dare was for me to drink it. Ms. Hopkins kinda half-spotted us doing this and started walking over to the table, and I noticed her, so I put the Gatorade away before we got in trouble. The agreement for when this type of thing happened was that 'eventually' the food dare would be completed. So lunch ended and I put this awful, ungodly concoction in my locker... where I forgot about it and it sat in the Florida heat for like 7 months. At the end of the year, during locker cleanouts, I unearthed this thing, by which point it had expanded and turned kinda off-yellow, the color of expansion foam. I couldn't open it, until eventually I was able to force it open, and it let off the worst hissing noise, and smelled absolutely nuclear. It was at this point that I lost food dares.