Unofficial entry aka no prize accepted. Criticism appreciated.
I don't like this story. It didn't go were i wanted. I couldn't emphasize the co dependent nature of the characters correctly. Well not in such a short story.
But i wanted to try writing a story that wasn't completely internal like my last one and try and figure out how to transition between charters.
I tried an AI grammar check and hopefully that helped more than hurt.
Erick and Dave walked threw the door of the Diner.
“Welcome to Waffle House.” The staff said with the lack of enthusiasm that one expects from any corporate employee.
Neither of the responded or waited to be seated. Waffle House wasn't that type of establishment, or at least not late at night.
Dave felt his muscles relax and let out a sigh when he sat in the booth. Erick just slid right in with the enthusiasm you would expect from a kid.
They had grown accustomed to late night trips to Waffle House and had their tradition rituals to complete before talking.
Dave arranged his silverware and coffee creamer wile Erick emptied the pockets of his jacket on the table. He was careful not to let any of the contents violate Dave’s imaginary table territory.
“Can I get you boys anything to drink?" the waitress said wile setting the cups down the cups and proceeded to fill them with coffee.
“Just the coffee, thanks.” He said with a slight smile wile staring at Erick trying to take his jacket off over his head instead of undoing the zipper. He loved that the waitress was a part of the ritual and knew exactly what he wanted without being asked.
“You boys let me know when your ready to order” she said as she laid the menus down on the table and walked away.
Dave prepped his coffee and took the first sip signifying the end of the ritual.
"Let's go hunting." Erick said. He could see the rage inside Dave building.
Dave leaned forward and with a quit but angry tone said.
“We drive three hours to a funeral then you crack a beer in the middle of the dam funeral, right in front of your dead friends mom, drive three hours back, and now you want to go mushroom hunting?”
“* Chuckled, Dave’s anger not phasing him at all.“Well ya. It’s the perfect time. No one will see us out there.”
Dave leaned back in his seat and took anther sip of coffee. “Na, Were going home.”
Erick was surprised, The long answer meant Dave actually considered it. The shorter the answer the less he considered it. If he was really angry, he wouldn't talk at all. If all those people at the funeral weren't so uptight Dave would have said yes.
Dave watched Erick’s shoulder shrink, and his hands go to his side as he stared into the milk and Sugar abyss in the coffee cup. Erick, had an iron clad will to be happy that was both as admirable as it was annoying. But it bothered seeing him depressed. No matter how irritating Erick’s mannerisms were, he had still grown so accustom to them.
“Dude, everyone at that funeral was a total asshole.” Said Erick.
Dave nodded his head in agreement.
“Is it really my fault?” Erick asked.
“Na, it’s not your fault. They were just mad about the beer.”
Erick’s hands went back on the table and clutched the coffee cup as he thought about what dave said wile warming his hands.
Dave waved at the waitress. “Order something. You'll fell better. Will go mushroom hunting tomorrow. Just don't eat the ones you don't recognize again.