ATLANTA, GA - Spokespeople for Major League Baseball announced today that the All-Star Game this summer will be moved from Atlanta, due to its egregious voting laws, to a Uyghur prison camp yard, where there aren't any bad voting laws at all.The game will be held in the spacious prison yard, which f...
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ATLANTA, GA - In a surprise announcement today, the CDC revised its guidelines on social distancing. Vaccinated people can now ignore social distancing if needed in order to punch an unvaccinated person in the face.'We highly encourage punching as many unvaccinated people in the face as possible,' s...
babylonbee.com
HOUSTON, TX - NASA made a surprise announcement this week: It will cease all missions to the planet Mars. This happened after a number of activists pointed out that Mars completely lacks any early voting, raising the specter that any mission to Mars would support voter suppression.'We here at NASA a...
babylonbee.com
I'm on the right side of history, and my political opponents are on the wrong one.How do I know this? I know this because every major corporation in America agrees with me. From Oreo and Coca-Cola to Delta Airlines and Disney, they all have come around to my point of view on every major social issue...
babylonbee.com
ATLANTA, GA - In a surprise announcement today, the CDC revised its guidelines on social distancing. Vaccinated people can now ignore social distancing if needed in order to punch an unvaccinated person in the face.'We highly encourage punching as many unvaccinated people in the face as possible,' s...
babylonbee.com
HOUSTON, TX - NASA made a surprise announcement this week: It will cease all missions to the planet Mars. This happened after a number of activists pointed out that Mars completely lacks any early voting, raising the specter that any mission to Mars would support voter suppression.'We here at NASA a...
babylonbee.com
I'm on the right side of history, and my political opponents are on the wrong one.How do I know this? I know this because every major corporation in America agrees with me. From Oreo and Coca-Cola to Delta Airlines and Disney, they all have come around to my point of view on every major social issue...
babylonbee.com