A secret no one will talk about. I'm going to be talking about it.
The rate of emotional disturbance and personality disorders in gays and lesbians is far higher than the background rate for heterosexuals. No, it's not all because the parents were "homophobic."
No, it's not that a feminine little boy---like me---was so upsetting that his gender-non-conforming behavior provoked an otherwise stable and normal set of parents into florid abuse. My sissy ways at five are not responsible for my mother's Cluster B personality disorder. Or my stepfather's.
What nearly all gay men have in common, but that no one is allowed to talk about, even though professional therapists I talk with will admit privately that it's an open secret in mental health?
I've met only one or two gay men in my entire life who did not have a Cluster B mother and a violent/absent father. The correlation is obvious and it's real.
The number of gay men and lesbians walking around with unresolved trauma, often crystallizing into Borderline, Narcissistic, and Histrionic personality disorders, is disproportionate.
We are, in fact, a community of very traumatized people. But it didn't start with "homophobia", and it can't be remedied without taking a look at some very uncomfortable truths.