Hello, would you kindly remove all robes and garments, and present yourself for involuntary marriage?

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More from Feuernacht

>Stepping out of the smoke, was the Outsider. And a particularly large Spot millitary Prototype, big enough to carry an M134 Minigun and almost endless munition, and doing so. >"Ok, Asshole. Are you gonna play nice now?" He said, as the dude moments ago on the gatehouse dropped down to block him, with ornate impractical pauldrons, a breastplate and iron boots, but no helmet on a delicately tousled shoulder high hair, a pretty almost androgynous face not possible without modern hygiene and cosmetics… >…And carrying a blue glowing, taller than an average person but too thick to be carried by one, full of unnecesary details sword. Yup. The person blocking the Outsider´s way was what was known on these parts as a "Hero". >"Hand over all of the girls, and that sword, because it looks cool and I want it now, and I won´t have to demonstrate the definition of Shock and Awe." >"Shock and Awe? You are surrounded! I still have archers at the ready at each yard of the outer wall, pointing at you!" >"I said SHOCK AND AWE!" >BRRRRRRRRRRRRRT >BRRRRRRRRRRRRRT >BRRRRRRRRRRRRRT >Red hot, deafeining rain began to fall upon the walls, courtesy of his Predator Drone, and chaos started to reign. The Outsider loaded his own rifle, and archers, along with the odd "mage", attempted to send potshots his way among the noise and dust. >The "Hero" disappeared, but the Outsider was too busy to care. The Marauder still had to be maneuvered like an RV model vehicle around the Outpost so it could lob its remaining grenade payload as a mortar, and he still needed to pose and boast. >"SO, WHAT´S IT GONNA BE?!" >A particularly nasty blast from the main keep managed to hit close, while the skies began to darken. It appeared that the Hero had gathered his allies now, and was about to counterattack. >A chastity vow Priestess that had called the storm, which was now making the AI inside his Drone pack up and fly back to the new Mountain FOB. >Some Wizard looking guy who looked freaky enough to maybe get a gig at a power metal band, who was on fire, and trying to cook him. >The dude with a loincloth and an axe, who inmediately charged face first into minigun fire. >And the Hero, with a new meat shield in the form of an Elven Princess, as other, cowering and chained Elven Maidens surrounded him, making the prospect of just cutting the knot and lobbing more grenades at the problem not possible. >"You are surrounded, Outsider! Lay down your arms, and you will still receive our Goddess´ mercy!" >And just as the Outsider began to consider that maybe taking a whole fort on his own was too much, a cry came, jumping from the walls. >Elves. Lots of Female Only Elves, climbing the walls, and grabbing alive enough looking dudes. >The Outsider´s Homies had come to fight for him! He sure was sorry now to call them Proto-Swedes! >…Aand they were stripping the humans they caught, and raping them, sometimes two or three with one man. <"Ah, you probably didn´t know." Said a voice behind him, the Dark Priest. "This is an Elven Wedding! After all, it´s not rape if it´s an Elf doing it!" >"No, that´s not what that is supposed to…" The Outsider tried to argue, but a helmet from one of the men bopped on his ankle, and he kneeled to grab it. "Nevermind…" >The Outsider had just TPK´d and entire group of Adventurers, and yet, instead of bleeding out, they all just gushed blue vapors, which became purple as they floated away. >Now that he thought about it, he hadn´t seen a single speck of blood come out. >Perhaps these people don´t bleed, he thought, and as the Princess carried the Hero around as an inert oversized teddy bear, he saw a chance, and picked his sword. >It was too heavy! <"That´s an Order Blade. It is attuned to select individuals only, and it nullifies when it detects incubization." Said the Princess. "It merely is a hunk of iron now. The Order ill needs its Heroes switching sides with valuable armament still intact." >"Well, I´m still keeping it." >Outside, a commotion had started. Dwarves had popped off from the ground, attracted by all the fighting and yelling, and were now arguing with the Elves for control of the fort. >He cleared his throat. >"Hello. I believe I am still owed fees?" *** >-Yes, Ma´am. >-The Outpost has been wiped out. >-He is still unharmed. >-The spell? >-Yes, Ma´am. >-A fine Demon Silver coating was applied. >-Behind his back. >-Yes, Ma´am, the force of all his armament was measured. >-…No, Ma´am, there were no casualties. >-…Yes, there was another weapon that was not enchanted in time… >-…But a quick prayer to Hel was enough to bless it. >-Yes, he suspected nothing after all. >-That´s right, he just thinks we are powerless priests. >-Yes Ma´am, I agree completely. >-It takes a well balanced individual, such as yourself, to rule that world. >-No, Ma´am. >-No one knows that you cursed the prophecy. >-What should we do about the Dwarves? >-Yes, Ma´am. We´ll leave trem be. >-Yes. Thank you. >-Goodbye >-Mistress Druella.

74 views · Jan 10th

>A band of miserable warriors all hid on a dark corridor, as screams came from the outside, and random blasts shook the walls and spread dust and gravel everywhere. >The leader clutched tightly a young lass, who seemed very excited about the whole situation, even when having a blade pressing at her neck. >Light searched around the black dungeon, and when it missed them, all the band let out a sigh of relief, except for the girl, who let out a soft "ouuuuu…" >The Leader Hero attempted to threaten her again, but at that moment, the light found them, and he blasted the door open. >On his hand was a lantern, much more bright than any, even if it didn´t seem to hold fire, and he had stolen a helmet from one of their fallen kin. >He appeared to have some trouble breathing with it, as he loudly inhaled and exhaled as he walked. >"He is tired now! This is our chance! One last effort, before they overwhelm us!" >"It´s called "Acting" you dumb bitches. If only I had a red glowing saber… Oh, well." >He raised his weapon. >BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG >The Outsider exited the forest after bashing the head of the Elven Oracle with a Modern Astronomy Book. >Apparently, The Oracle had told the Elven Princess she would be married to a great Hero if she and her maidens in waiting all walked a lap around the forest unarmed and unguarded. >So, when she got snatched by an Order patrol, and taken hostage to the Outpost, Elves considered the Prophecy to be fullfilled. >Since the Prophecy didn´t mention the Outsider coming back and teaching them the proper use of Napalm and Agent Orange, they also took all of the Gold they had saved to pay him, and used it to hire a Dark Priest so she could officiate the wedding to come instead. >His APC parked on the Outpost´s raised Drawbridge, and he activated the Megaphone. >"-KSSSHT- UUUH… HAIL THERE THY FELLOWS, I FORTHWITH REQUEST AN AUDIENCE WITH THY LORD TO NEGOTIATE FOR THE ELVEN PRINCESS" >A voice came from the guards and archers manning the gatehouse. >"That is not how any of those words are used! You do not actually know how things work around here, do you?" >"LOOK DUDE, JUST LET THE FUCKING ELVES GO SO I CAN GET PAID. YOU PROBABLY HAVE A FEW MORE YEARS OF SUCKING OXYGEN LEFT IN YOU, BEFORE WE HAVE TO GO LA CONQUISTA ON YOUR ASS." >"He´s the one that has been selling arms to the Longears, and funding the sacking of our lands! FIRE!" >A hail of arrows peppered the Marauder, but could only bang, dent, and get stuck around the unions of armor designed to withstand bullets and bombs. >"THE FUN WAY IT IS, THEN." >At the top of the Marauder, a grenade launcher began to shoot at the gatehouse. Drawbridge, portcullis and gates were brought down, or rendered into splinters and shrapnel, and smoke covered the entrance, but the APC couldn´t just jump the pit. >The smoke began to clear…

49 views · Jan 10th

>And so, we go back to when the Outsider found Dwarves. >There is a story on how he got told by the Elves not to go on that mountain route, and how taking that route landed him on the gate of their stronghold. >How he brought down the stone gate with only sticks he carried around, and then survived by making the Dwarven Boss too drunk to lift an axe is too much to be told as the same time as this one. >Either way, after the sale of a few modern engineering books and a copper still so they could figure and reverse engineer it themselves, he now had a strip of land to call his own. >At least one that didn´t smell of Patchouli, and where cutting up trees to make space so your drone can land was not heavily frowned upon, with a great vantage point to install drone sentries… >Gazing upon the landscape, he was able to notice a keep in the distance, between the Elf Forest, and the Mountain. >It was hidden around some hills, so it went unnoticed when he first made the hike up. >"Interested in the Wyld Outpost, are ye?" Came and said the Boss Dwarf. "Us Lads made that. T´was supposed to be our trading post. Instead, it became our frontline when the damned elves came to "reclaim the forest". Then, the Humans…" >A throat being cleared thankfully interrupted that history lesson. And it made the Dwarf scamper off too, a nice bonus. Why he scampered, though, was the trouble. >A priest. The Outsider had learned by now there were two kinds of Priests on this World. Three in reality, but he would need someone to build him a Nemesis Warship before even thinking of meeting the Third. >There were those with votes of chastity, upon which the Outsider would have had some kinship about their situation, did they not have the tendency to form large mobs whenever he told them of where he came from and what he could do, calling him "Incubus." >And there were those who really strived to go by whatever means neccesary as far away as possible fro a Vote of Chastity. Before, these Priests had attepted to hook him up. but recently, they only giggled, and never revealed why. >This Priest was an exellent example of the second kind. <"Do not fear, Herald of a Future Union, for I come in peace." She said, trying and failing to perform her Jedi Mind Tricks on him, for the ritual performed on A New Hope had not been imparted to her. <"Visions have beckoned me to come here and bless the tools of your trade, for what is to come." >"And… Do you charge for that?" The Outsider questioned. He had been in the process of parking his Nice Big Marauder next to the Predator Drone at the time, and a new toy had arrived for him by mail just now. Prime really did deliver fast now, even to other dimensions. >He was sceptical of religion. Even though he had now witnessed magic, and alchemy, by now a loaded rifle had proven itself to best both, so he thought nothing at the time of a nun just waving her arms around and praying for free. >"All of you believe to have a good idea of "what is to come", judging by the giggling." He did blurt out. <"You plan to travel now back to the Elves, to request payment for armaments procured." She said. "But they won´t have the resources. The Princess has been kidnapped by the Order and kept on that Outpost, and the Elves are busy preparing a proper wedding." >Now the Outsider heard that, and worried, for he needed that green green Elf cash to pay all his recent Prime purchases, and he left, descending the mountain, and leaving his stuff unguarded. >As for what he did when he reched the Outpost… >That´s a story for another day.

41 views · Jan 10th

More from Feuernacht

>Stepping out of the smoke, was the Outsider. And a particularly large Spot millitary Prototype, big enough to carry an M134 Minigun and almost endless munition, and doing so. >"Ok, Asshole. Are you gonna play nice now?" He said, as the dude moments ago on the gatehouse dropped down to block him, with ornate impractical pauldrons, a breastplate and iron boots, but no helmet on a delicately tousled shoulder high hair, a pretty almost androgynous face not possible without modern hygiene and cosmetics… >…And carrying a blue glowing, taller than an average person but too thick to be carried by one, full of unnecesary details sword. Yup. The person blocking the Outsider´s way was what was known on these parts as a "Hero". >"Hand over all of the girls, and that sword, because it looks cool and I want it now, and I won´t have to demonstrate the definition of Shock and Awe." >"Shock and Awe? You are surrounded! I still have archers at the ready at each yard of the outer wall, pointing at you!" >"I said SHOCK AND AWE!" >BRRRRRRRRRRRRRT >BRRRRRRRRRRRRRT >BRRRRRRRRRRRRRT >Red hot, deafeining rain began to fall upon the walls, courtesy of his Predator Drone, and chaos started to reign. The Outsider loaded his own rifle, and archers, along with the odd "mage", attempted to send potshots his way among the noise and dust. >The "Hero" disappeared, but the Outsider was too busy to care. The Marauder still had to be maneuvered like an RV model vehicle around the Outpost so it could lob its remaining grenade payload as a mortar, and he still needed to pose and boast. >"SO, WHAT´S IT GONNA BE?!" >A particularly nasty blast from the main keep managed to hit close, while the skies began to darken. It appeared that the Hero had gathered his allies now, and was about to counterattack. >A chastity vow Priestess that had called the storm, which was now making the AI inside his Drone pack up and fly back to the new Mountain FOB. >Some Wizard looking guy who looked freaky enough to maybe get a gig at a power metal band, who was on fire, and trying to cook him. >The dude with a loincloth and an axe, who inmediately charged face first into minigun fire. >And the Hero, with a new meat shield in the form of an Elven Princess, as other, cowering and chained Elven Maidens surrounded him, making the prospect of just cutting the knot and lobbing more grenades at the problem not possible. >"You are surrounded, Outsider! Lay down your arms, and you will still receive our Goddess´ mercy!" >And just as the Outsider began to consider that maybe taking a whole fort on his own was too much, a cry came, jumping from the walls. >Elves. Lots of Female Only Elves, climbing the walls, and grabbing alive enough looking dudes. >The Outsider´s Homies had come to fight for him! He sure was sorry now to call them Proto-Swedes! >…Aand they were stripping the humans they caught, and raping them, sometimes two or three with one man. <"Ah, you probably didn´t know." Said a voice behind him, the Dark Priest. "This is an Elven Wedding! After all, it´s not rape if it´s an Elf doing it!" >"No, that´s not what that is supposed to…" The Outsider tried to argue, but a helmet from one of the men bopped on his ankle, and he kneeled to grab it. "Nevermind…" >The Outsider had just TPK´d and entire group of Adventurers, and yet, instead of bleeding out, they all just gushed blue vapors, which became purple as they floated away. >Now that he thought about it, he hadn´t seen a single speck of blood come out. >Perhaps these people don´t bleed, he thought, and as the Princess carried the Hero around as an inert oversized teddy bear, he saw a chance, and picked his sword. >It was too heavy! <"That´s an Order Blade. It is attuned to select individuals only, and it nullifies when it detects incubization." Said the Princess. "It merely is a hunk of iron now. The Order ill needs its Heroes switching sides with valuable armament still intact." >"Well, I´m still keeping it." >Outside, a commotion had started. Dwarves had popped off from the ground, attracted by all the fighting and yelling, and were now arguing with the Elves for control of the fort. >He cleared his throat. >"Hello. I believe I am still owed fees?" *** >-Yes, Ma´am. >-The Outpost has been wiped out. >-He is still unharmed. >-The spell? >-Yes, Ma´am. >-A fine Demon Silver coating was applied. >-Behind his back. >-Yes, Ma´am, the force of all his armament was measured. >-…No, Ma´am, there were no casualties. >-…Yes, there was another weapon that was not enchanted in time… >-…But a quick prayer to Hel was enough to bless it. >-Yes, he suspected nothing after all. >-That´s right, he just thinks we are powerless priests. >-Yes Ma´am, I agree completely. >-It takes a well balanced individual, such as yourself, to rule that world. >-No, Ma´am. >-No one knows that you cursed the prophecy. >-What should we do about the Dwarves? >-Yes, Ma´am. We´ll leave trem be. >-Yes. Thank you. >-Goodbye >-Mistress Druella.

74 views · Jan 10th

>A band of miserable warriors all hid on a dark corridor, as screams came from the outside, and random blasts shook the walls and spread dust and gravel everywhere. >The leader clutched tightly a young lass, who seemed very excited about the whole situation, even when having a blade pressing at her neck. >Light searched around the black dungeon, and when it missed them, all the band let out a sigh of relief, except for the girl, who let out a soft "ouuuuu…" >The Leader Hero attempted to threaten her again, but at that moment, the light found them, and he blasted the door open. >On his hand was a lantern, much more bright than any, even if it didn´t seem to hold fire, and he had stolen a helmet from one of their fallen kin. >He appeared to have some trouble breathing with it, as he loudly inhaled and exhaled as he walked. >"He is tired now! This is our chance! One last effort, before they overwhelm us!" >"It´s called "Acting" you dumb bitches. If only I had a red glowing saber… Oh, well." >He raised his weapon. >BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG >The Outsider exited the forest after bashing the head of the Elven Oracle with a Modern Astronomy Book. >Apparently, The Oracle had told the Elven Princess she would be married to a great Hero if she and her maidens in waiting all walked a lap around the forest unarmed and unguarded. >So, when she got snatched by an Order patrol, and taken hostage to the Outpost, Elves considered the Prophecy to be fullfilled. >Since the Prophecy didn´t mention the Outsider coming back and teaching them the proper use of Napalm and Agent Orange, they also took all of the Gold they had saved to pay him, and used it to hire a Dark Priest so she could officiate the wedding to come instead. >His APC parked on the Outpost´s raised Drawbridge, and he activated the Megaphone. >"-KSSSHT- UUUH… HAIL THERE THY FELLOWS, I FORTHWITH REQUEST AN AUDIENCE WITH THY LORD TO NEGOTIATE FOR THE ELVEN PRINCESS" >A voice came from the guards and archers manning the gatehouse. >"That is not how any of those words are used! You do not actually know how things work around here, do you?" >"LOOK DUDE, JUST LET THE FUCKING ELVES GO SO I CAN GET PAID. YOU PROBABLY HAVE A FEW MORE YEARS OF SUCKING OXYGEN LEFT IN YOU, BEFORE WE HAVE TO GO LA CONQUISTA ON YOUR ASS." >"He´s the one that has been selling arms to the Longears, and funding the sacking of our lands! FIRE!" >A hail of arrows peppered the Marauder, but could only bang, dent, and get stuck around the unions of armor designed to withstand bullets and bombs. >"THE FUN WAY IT IS, THEN." >At the top of the Marauder, a grenade launcher began to shoot at the gatehouse. Drawbridge, portcullis and gates were brought down, or rendered into splinters and shrapnel, and smoke covered the entrance, but the APC couldn´t just jump the pit. >The smoke began to clear…

49 views · Jan 10th

>And so, we go back to when the Outsider found Dwarves. >There is a story on how he got told by the Elves not to go on that mountain route, and how taking that route landed him on the gate of their stronghold. >How he brought down the stone gate with only sticks he carried around, and then survived by making the Dwarven Boss too drunk to lift an axe is too much to be told as the same time as this one. >Either way, after the sale of a few modern engineering books and a copper still so they could figure and reverse engineer it themselves, he now had a strip of land to call his own. >At least one that didn´t smell of Patchouli, and where cutting up trees to make space so your drone can land was not heavily frowned upon, with a great vantage point to install drone sentries… >Gazing upon the landscape, he was able to notice a keep in the distance, between the Elf Forest, and the Mountain. >It was hidden around some hills, so it went unnoticed when he first made the hike up. >"Interested in the Wyld Outpost, are ye?" Came and said the Boss Dwarf. "Us Lads made that. T´was supposed to be our trading post. Instead, it became our frontline when the damned elves came to "reclaim the forest". Then, the Humans…" >A throat being cleared thankfully interrupted that history lesson. And it made the Dwarf scamper off too, a nice bonus. Why he scampered, though, was the trouble. >A priest. The Outsider had learned by now there were two kinds of Priests on this World. Three in reality, but he would need someone to build him a Nemesis Warship before even thinking of meeting the Third. >There were those with votes of chastity, upon which the Outsider would have had some kinship about their situation, did they not have the tendency to form large mobs whenever he told them of where he came from and what he could do, calling him "Incubus." >And there were those who really strived to go by whatever means neccesary as far away as possible fro a Vote of Chastity. Before, these Priests had attepted to hook him up. but recently, they only giggled, and never revealed why. >This Priest was an exellent example of the second kind. <"Do not fear, Herald of a Future Union, for I come in peace." She said, trying and failing to perform her Jedi Mind Tricks on him, for the ritual performed on A New Hope had not been imparted to her. <"Visions have beckoned me to come here and bless the tools of your trade, for what is to come." >"And… Do you charge for that?" The Outsider questioned. He had been in the process of parking his Nice Big Marauder next to the Predator Drone at the time, and a new toy had arrived for him by mail just now. Prime really did deliver fast now, even to other dimensions. >He was sceptical of religion. Even though he had now witnessed magic, and alchemy, by now a loaded rifle had proven itself to best both, so he thought nothing at the time of a nun just waving her arms around and praying for free. >"All of you believe to have a good idea of "what is to come", judging by the giggling." He did blurt out. <"You plan to travel now back to the Elves, to request payment for armaments procured." She said. "But they won´t have the resources. The Princess has been kidnapped by the Order and kept on that Outpost, and the Elves are busy preparing a proper wedding." >Now the Outsider heard that, and worried, for he needed that green green Elf cash to pay all his recent Prime purchases, and he left, descending the mountain, and leaving his stuff unguarded. >As for what he did when he reched the Outpost… >That´s a story for another day.

41 views · Jan 10th