Humanitaryanism

I care very, VERY deeply for humanity. If a human is not okay, I take that personally. Those who suffer trauma or mental illness especially steam my cheese. How fucking dare they? Stop it, I tell them. Stop having problems, or I’ll hit you. People matter. That’s why the sad and downtrodden deserve beatings. They bring down humanity as a whole. They must be stamped out before they infect others. The only vaccine for depression is a knuckle sammich.

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More from JoshWitz

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Height is theft. Also beauty. The existence of tall, beautiful people oppresses everyone else. FACT: those with more height and looks statistically get jobs, raises, tips, gifts and all-around better treatment over midget goblins. Also dick and pussy. Dick and pussy that would otherwise be equally distributed. When the people of France said, “Give us bread,” Marie Antoinette said, “Let them eat dicks.” So the peasants cut her head off to show how hard that is when you’re short. It’s true. Marie hasn’t eaten a dick to this day.
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