Im having an existential crisis. Not only am i losing my own identity - which i only recently discovered, through rigorous self-reflection and painful pondetations - i am losing faith in our collective capabilities to come to any reasonable solutions about society. My own troubles stem from a partly circumstantial decision to move abroad for love - surely my then still unborn children played a major role in it - letting go of everything i had built and held dear, thus far.  In a foreign country, equipped with only my accumulated experience of 44 years, struggling to establish myself in the professional and family life, stricken with two leg injuries within the first six months, while juggling with newborn twin babies and a hormonal wife, has proven to demand change within me.  Personal change is hard and time consuming - time, which i do not have, due to said circumstances - and individially speaking, no matter how much time others are willing to give you, it is rarely enough. Then again, all the time given to me by others, i am willing to take - causing somewhat strained family relations. Changing into something the circumstances require, especially if it is against everything i was steering away from earlier, is mentally draining, to say the least. Every cell in me is fighting that change, but i am slowly learning to accept it.  Now, as for the societal aspect of this, what is it, that makes us fight the change around us? Looking at the world gone mad with fear, people i once knew completely cowering in it, hoping for someone to come and deliver them from evils of the world -  hoping everything to go back to the way things were. As far as i can understand, the world as we knew it, no longer exists, it has turned into a dark and sinister realm of hidden agendas and blatant lies. Perhaps it always was so, we just never saw it - the thin vail was suddenly pulled violently open and like the Pandoras box, spewed all that was hidden in plain sight. Everyone with an agenda springed forth to deliver their message, all truths revealed at once.  Biblical, some might say -  although my view on prophecies is quite a cynical one, as prophecies tend to come true, the more people are actively working to deliver them. This time is opportune for all religious beliefs, as people struggle greatly to comprehend the unfolding events. Belief in established society and science is much as religious as the flying spaghetti monster, or the age old established religious beliefs. They seem to offer solace for people, a safe haven, in numbers of people who share the idea. Understandable perhaps, and i can't really say misguided, everyone needs to believe in something - be it yourself, or the delusions you hold dear. As i said, my own faith in both myself and other people are wavering greatly, but i still find it more safe not to join in with others beliefs, no matter how alluring their story and solutions there in, might sound.  This leads me to - hopefully - my conclusion. What am i going to do about the situation? Will i sit idly by, live my life and do the best i can with the information at hand? Should i share my thoughts to just my immediate friends and family - which by all accounts are less and less interested in them, as they too struggle with similar hardships? Should i shout from the rooftops or stand in a street corner, hoping to gather big enough congregation to change society to my image, like so many are, in social media?  I have been around long enough to see the collective steer society in what they believe to be the greater good, only to end up in another crusible with only bad choices left. Societies change only through total upheaval fast, which we are witnessing now, unfortunately. I hope when the dust settles, my family is still alive and well enough to pick up whatever is left and continue this slow ascension towards the inevitable end, which by all accounts can happen to any one of us, at any time. Maybe, the best course of action is just to keep your head down as the world burns and let the crazies fight it out, in hope there is enough breathable air after - or breath in me to tell the tale. 

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