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The Search for Poggy Chapter 1: The Fellowship

JaeBee The LokeanMay 14, 2021, 7:11:20 PM

Jae sighed as she stared at the last thing Poggity Champ had posted before disappearing off the face of Minds. It had been weeks since he’d announced his hiatus, but there were no signs of his grand return yet. Others had gone off in search of the missing memer, but as far as she’d heard, they’d had no luck so far. Every day that Poggy was missing was another day that the Mindscape seemed just a little too empty, and Jae was tired of it.  

“That does it,” she said. “We need to find Poggy.”  

“Jae, you are preggers,” Brick argued. Jae glanced over at the ripped Indian man on the other end of the couch.  

“Yes, and? No one else has found him yet, so I may as well conduct my own search. Better than sitting on my ass watching these shitty Twilight movies all day.”  

“Watch these shitty movies enough times and you’ll be too braindead to even remember who Poggy is,” Brick replied.  

Jae sighed again. “Thanks but no thanks. Being braindead is good for shitposting, but not so much for painting. I’d like to keep my ‘Lokean Bob Ross’ title.” She stood up. “Besides, I need my brain if I’m gonna find Poggy.”

Brick rolled his eyes. “You are literally preggers. How are you gonna do that when you have a babby?”  

She turned and stared the based man dead in the eye. “If you’re so concerned, why don’t you come with me and protect me, Mr. Macho?”

“I can’t, I have to review these movies. Then I’ll probably need a few weeks of therapy to cure the nightmares.”

Sometimes Brick was hard to motivate, but Jae knew one thing that would get him off his ass. “I’m pretty sure we’ll stumble across plenty of communists on our journey, you know.”

Brick’s eyes suddenly flared. “Communists?!” he exclaimed, “on Minds?! Impossible! I beat the last one to death a week ago!”

“There’s always more coming in from birdsite, bro. You know that.”  

Brick sat there and weighed his options. Communists were not welcome on Minds, and it was his mission to exterminate every last one, lest they distort his home into another ungodly abomination of censorship and cancel culture. “Alright, fine. But only if Timo rubs olive oil on my abs afterward.”  

Jae raised an eyebrow. “Uh.. Sure. Why not. Just go pack.”  


While Brick busily packed his trunk of anti-commie weapons, Jae sat back on the couch, contemplating the journey ahead. Brick would make for good muscle, but would it be enough? Likely not, especially if they’d be searching the Mindscape far and wide. In order to find Poggy, she would need an elite team that could move quickly, but pack a punch when trouble arose. The only question was, who should she bring along? Minds was full to the brim with angry Boomers, just waiting to shit all over anything and everything, not to mention the Podcast Neckbeards, E-thots, and Spam Bots. Brick could handle any of them just fine, but even he had limits. Jae’s own abilities, though savage, were still growing, but dampened by her pregnant state. More muscle would be needed. But who?  

Only one person she knew of could burn a trail of fire straight through any enemy horde they came across.  

Jae quickly sent Blaze a message, “We’re going to find Poggy. Need to explode some Boomers on the way. You in?”  

It didn’t take long to get a response. “Oh hellz yes!”  

“Great! Let’s meet at the Guilded Server in one hour and discuss the plan,” Jae responded. With Blaze on board, things would be remarkably easier. But still, it only made for a team of three. At the very least, one more person would be good to have. Preferable a cis white man to balance out the diversity quota. That way any Moral or Social Justice Warriors they came across wouldn’t immediately see them as a threat.  

Jae sent a message to Timo, “Hey ghey boi, we’re going to find Poggy. Meet at the Guilded Server in one hour.” Timo had already had a hand in assisting the other expeditions, and his magic would undoubtedly be handy to have around. Not to mention his writing talent would given them a strategic edge against any plot twists that came along. Now there was only one thing left to do.  


The four adventurers met at the Guilded Server an hour later as agreed, and sat down in the Writing Room to plan for the journey ahead. Jae the Lokean Witch, Brick the Based Indian, Blaze the Blaziken, and Timo the Writer Magician, the Poggy Fellowship, was assembled. Now all they needed was a lead.  

“Why are we meeting in here?” Brick asked. He sometimes did write, but mostly moderately sized rants about birdsite and the stupidity within. He wasn’t one for the fantasy fiction that filled the room.  

“Because the Main Hall would be too noisy. Everyone hangs out in there, and we need some quiet if we’re gonna come up with a plan,” Jae answered.  

“So if we’re gonna be lookin for Poggy, where do we even start? The Mindscape is a big place,” Blaze said.  

“I’ve been thinking about that,” Jae said, then folded her arm and cast her gaze downward, “I’m not entirely sure where to begin. But Timo helped the other search parties, so maybe he can point us in the right direction.”  

Timo stood up. “I don’t know where Poggy is, or where he might be,” he said somberly, “but I know who might.”  

“Well don’t just leave us in suspense, stop being a ghey and tell us!” Jae said.  

“Calm down, you sloot, I’m getting to that,” Timo replied. “There are a great many places a memer can hide within the Mindscape, some places we’ve never seen before. If anyone knows where Poggy might be, it’s someone who’s more familiar with these unknown places than we are. Someone who has also been sporadically on hiatus.”

“Wait, you mean…” Jae’s eyes widened and she almost jumped out of her seat when she realized who he was referring to.  


“But… her power has been weakened! How could she possibly…”Jae trailed off, her mind racing with questions.  

“Well, who is it? Who? Who?!” Blaze demanded.  

“Is there an owl in here?” Brick asked. Blaze threw him a nasty look.  

“Brick, be nice to the Blaze,” Jae warned.

He scoffed. “Fine, fine.”

“So who do we need to ask?” Blaze asked again.  

“CriticalMassHorny,” Timo answered. The rest of the group stared at him in silence. Crit had also taken a hiatus from Minds some time ago, although she still gave plenty of indication of her existence: a like here, showing up online there, the occasional reassurance that the forces of Hornt were still alive and well, if only gone flaccid for the time being. But it made sense. If anyone could tell them if Poggy was in one of the shadowed parts of the Mindscape, it was her.  

“But how do we even find her? Pinging is hit or miss,” Jae said.  

Timo took a deep breath. “You disappoint me, Jae, you should know the answer to that,” he looked at at her with a knowing smile. “If anyone knows where Crit is hiding out, it’s her arch nemesis.”

“Bonkboi! Of course!” she exclaimed. “He has to know! He always keeps tabs on the Horny Horde!”  

“Wait,” Brick interrupted, “isn’t Bonk in…”

“Yep,” Timo confirmed before Brick could finish. “To get to Bonk, we have to travel to the Land of Florida.”