The Truth About Vanity

Dear Younger Self, 

Here beginneth the lesson about VANITY, as seen through the eyes of a 54- year-old woman. 

Before you touch your eyelid with that eye shadow applicator, before you comb your eyelashes with mascara to "make them look fuller and longer", before you draw an imaginary line on the outside of your lips so that you can extend your lip line beyond what's there, before you set foot inside of a hair salon and spend all that money on keratin treatments or hair colorants, before you set foot inside of a nail salon for that regularly scheduled mani/pedi, before you agonize over your wardrobe, hoping to find "the perfect" dress to wear to any occasion...ask yourself an all-important question: 

WHO are you doing it for and why?

And be honest. 

If you're doing it to attract a man, don't bother. 1. Men couldn't care less that you spent hours in a nail salon getting nail extensions or that you chose that particular shade of nail polish. 2. Men couldn't care less that you spent 3 hours making sure your makeup is "flawless". 3. Men couldn't care less about the effort you put into making sure your hair "behaves". 4. Men can't see "what's different" about your appearance when you ask if they notice "anything different". 5. Men couldn't care less if you wear the same dress on 2 different dates. 6. A man who is truly interested in YOU will care more about your heart and content of character. 7. A man who truly loves you will not REQUIRE you to look a certain way because he loves and accepts you the way you are.

If you're doing it for only for you, then you would feel comfortable with minimal effort because you would much rather people know the real {inner} you and not judge you on your appearance.

That only leaves "other women", and that's your honest answer. You put yourself together the way you do, spending hours on makeup, hair, and choosing outfits because you're afraid that if you don't, you will be criticized. You do it because you want other women to be envious. You know that if you elicit a judgmental "bitch" from another woman, you'll have "succeeded" in what you set out to do. 

But that's hardly success. If anything, it perpetuates the cut-throat competitiveness that goes on between women. That woman who utters "bitch" under her breath as you pass by is staring daggers through you. She's thinking, "Who the hell does she think she is? She ain't all that." when, deep down, she's wishing she didn't adopt YOUR style FIRST. If that woman were a champion for other women, she would genuinely, sincerely compliment you in an effort to uplift you. She wouldn't be thinking how much she wants to tear you down to make herself look better.  

Whenever I read anything about writing or business, one of the main things that people advise is to "know your audience". I believe that applies to us when it comes to our habits and behavior. Before we do anything, we must consider who we're doing it for. When you "get ready" for any occasion or event, who are you out to impress? Whose attention are you vying for? Whose approval are you hoping to receive? Ask yourself what would happen if you did nothing but show up in a pair of jeans and no makeup. Ask yourself who would be happy to see YOU and not your appearance. Because, when it comes down to it, those are the people who matter. 

Sincerely,

Your Older Self. 💟