The Autistic Child and Social Isolation

The Autistic Child and Social Isolation

By Deryl Goldenberg, Ph. D. and Cherisse Sherin, M.A.

What do we mean by social isolation in children diagnosed on the Autism Spectrum?
There seems to be a valid concern, not only about the lack of social opportunities for children on the Autism Spectrum to develop friendships with peers, but for how these children learn to share and join into social experiences, which, for most, is a major obstacle. What we know about social relationships is that they include positive shared emotional experiences, purposeful engagement in social activities and back and forth social communication about shared interests; which is what forms the foundations for meaningful friendships.
Relationships can be normally viewed as a connection between individuals, such as a romantic or intimate relationship or a parent–child relationship. Interpersonal relationships usually involve some level of interdependence. Interdependence is how people in a relationship tend to influence each other, share their thoughts and feelings, and engage in activities together. What is being described here is the capacity between two individuals to relate to, care about and build upon one another’s experience.
The dual challenges we see in our practice with children on the Autism Spectrum are complex, and they become more serious and compounded as the child/teen makes their way in their school and community life. These children/teens often times do not know what to do when faced with the real life situations which may cause additional emotional stress. We find that they may not know how to respond even to positive social overtures such as good-natured teasing, “hanging out invitations,” parties and flirtations, etc. Often, their anxiety and awkwardness in social situations or teasing or bullying they may experience can drive a child/teen to become a master at avoidance. They find all kinds of excuses to avoid engaging in group play or social gatherings; they “keep their own company,” often opting for self-protective isolation.
The negative stressors that increase their risk for further social isolation include: rejection, non-acceptance, ridicule, and bullying. At times, their inner emotional turmoil can lead to them to feel sad and/or discouraged, turning their negative thoughts on themselves. We hear them say they hate their life and then may state they hate themselves. We have seen this type of thinking or feeling develop into depression, which can trigger suicidal ideation and attempts at hurting themselves. Due to their limited capacity for interpersonal relationships and when the social skills they have been taught fail them in the real world, they retreat into their homes and inside of themselves, solidifying their view of the world as too uncertain, too risky and distrustful a place to socialize.
Real Life Situations Parents Have Encountered:
Parent takes their child to a high school dance but realizes, as the peers are milling about before entering the dance, that their child isn’t socializing with anyone.
A parent says her son has friends, because they want to come to his house to play video games, but when he goes out on another occasion to meet them at the park, they ditch him. Not knowing what to do, he has to call his mom to come get him.
A young teenager has one ‘friend’ through grammar school, and then becomes depressed when his only friend is seeking out other more mature peers, which leads him to feel that he doesn’t have a friend anymore. Based on this, he discloses to his counselor that no one wants to be his friend, so he doesn’t need to live anymore. This child’s isolating depression did actually cause him to make a serious suicidal attempt.
Another middle school-aged boy says he has ‘friends,’ who he hangs out with at school, but outside of school, he has his own fun interests at home, so he doesn’t want to hang out with them. But the truth is that he does like having kids to play with but is too awkward and anxious to initiate and ask kids over.
A school-age boy, who appears to play with friends at school tends to misperceive his friends’ reactions and then becomes over-controlling. For instance, he needed to control the situation when a prior rule for handball is changed; based on an agreement made amongst his peers. He gets really upset yelling that’s not the rule but can’t explain to his peers why it doesn’t seem fair. As he yells at a peer, the peer retorts back, ‘whatever…” He becomes increasingly angry about the situation and ends up telling the playground supervisor his friends were mean to him.

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Full article:  https://www.psychalive.org/the-autistic-child-and-social-isolation/