Today's Jokes!

Ass Love
......

A new study released by the American Psychiatric Association about women and how they feel about their asses has revealed some interesting results:

1. 5 percent of women surveyed feel their ass is too big.



2. 10 percent of women surveyed feel their ass is too small.



3. The remaining 85 percent say they don't care; they love him; he's a good man and they would have married him anyway.

Name Problems

A woman went down to the Welfare Office to get aid. The office worker asked her, "How many children do you have?"



"Ten," she replied.



"What are their names?" he asked.



"David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David and David," she answered.



"They're all named David?" he asked "What if you want them to come in from playing outside?"



"Oh, that's easy," she said. "I just call 'David,' and they all come running in."



"And, if you want them to come to the table for dinner?"



"I just say, 'David, come eat your dinner'," she answered.



"But what if you just want ONE of them to do something?" he asked.



"Oh, that's easy," she said. "I just use their last name!"

Drug Effect

A lawyer was just waking up from anaesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said, You're beautiful! and then he fell asleep again.

His wife had never heard him say that before so she stayed by his side happily. A couple minutes later his eyes fluttered open and he said You're cute!

Well, the wife was disapointed because instead of beautiful it was cute.

She said, What happened to beautiful?

His reply was, The drugs are wearing off!