Doctor Moonpower Levesque-Shaklaklak Explains: The Enemies List.

  Much has been done, in recent times, in service of Social Justice. An elevated critical-generational ethos has de-hegemonised the homeomorphic toxicity of both masculinity and whiteness, destabilised the dominant categories of post 9-11 capitalism, and teleo-queered the sexism and racism historically and systemically instantiated in the edifice of western figurial-rapist civilisations and cultures—a much needed challenge to the White Supremacist Sexist Racist Homophobic Islamophobic Capitalist Patriarchy. In an effort to invigriolise this process, we have delimited a detailed anatomy of hitherto unreluminated intersectional injustices, by means of which we may both check our insensible privileges and reterritorialise our constructed sensibilities. But the road goes on. Let us aid and encourage our comrades on this long march, by seeking out ever finer and more variegated forms of injustice. After all, injustice is literally everywhere, and to reach our Ultima Thule, we have to point it all out. We offer, humbly, these neo-recategoricalisations of micro-injustices, and, as re-societilisations of this sort are, of course, never complete, we invite submissions from our inpotentiated readers.

Academism: Elitist expectation that students do their own coursework.

Alimentism: Sexism toward those disinclined to feed themselves with their own hands.

Ambulism: Discrimination against those who wish to spend their lives in bed.

Anthropicism: Discrimination against the rights of inanimate objects.

Anti-namite: Reactionary denial that name-calling constitutes argument.

Commendationism: Denial of one's right to take credit for another's work.

Corporphilism: Denial of one's right to shit publicly.

Dignitism: Discrimination against the public use of bullhorns.

Experienism: Expectation that job applicants evince training relevant to the job for which they are applying.

Hetero-fascism: Equality of rights and equality of opportunity before the law.

Hygienism: Unreasonable and bigoted expectation that one bathe regularly.

Integritism: Discrimination against the validity of holding two or more mutually exclusive views at one time.

Literism: Unreasonable and oppressive expectation that children learn to read and write.

Malodorism: Prejudice against those exercising their right audibly to fart in elevators.

Pacifism: Racist discrimination against Nazi-punchers.

Performatism: Outmoded belief that in order to earn their pay, employees must do their jobs.

Retro-Natalism: Obstinate denial of the existence of lesbian infants.

Retro-Naziism: Belief that women can be somehow less than perfect.

Ridiculist: White heterosexual male claiming to have problems.

Toxic Doxaity: Baseless and fantastical belief that opinions vary.

Zoo-splaining: Condescending attitude toward house-pets.

  Dr Levesque-Shaklaklak is Professor of Critical Theory and Laxative Orthophilia at the University of Canadian Albania. Shzer is the author of numerous books, including “Neil Diamond: My mother oppresses me through the magic of song.”