Stop being; start doing

I've noticed what I consider to be a self-sabotaging trend in popular culture promoting the idea of just "being" rather than "doing". It's a great idea to stop and smell the roses and be grateful for what you've got, but appreciating the moment can easily slip into a belief that it's the only thing that matters. If you only live in the present then that is where you'll stay, instead of moving forward. Successful people are future-oriented.

A fellow student shared a piece entitled The Difference Between "Being" and "Doing" by Zindel Segal. This got me thinking. Do most people approach big goals in the way the article describes: As things to dwell on which create a negative mood when they aren't reaching them? It's quite likely that they do, so I want to present an alternative way of looking at them that I find extremely helpful in my day to day life. Maybe you'll find it helpful too.

I find it really inspiring and uplifting that I'm nowhere near my potential (and that I most likely never will be). If there's a huge discrepancy between where I am and where I want to be then I don't view that as something to be upset about, or to make myself feel terrible for. Unfortunately this seems to be what people are doing when they activate the Discrepancy Monitor outlined by Dr Segal. Instead, I think of this enormous gap as something which gives my life meaning and purpose.

"Volunteering for a job I can't do," as the article puts it, gives me a brilliant opportunity to be challenged, to learn, and to grow. The likely failure is not a source of fear, anxiety and negative thoughts, but almost the point of the exercise. What failure teaches me is invaluable.

In CPCAB counselling qualifications, students have to meet a series of criteria in order to demonstrate their competence with skills and theories. When trying to get a piece of criteria signed off by a tutor, the student will received a "Yes" or "Not Yet." It's a simple indicator that growth or learning still needs to take place, and that it will be achieved if the student keeps moving forward. There's a brilliant 10-minute Ted talk by Dr Carol Dweck on the extraordinary power of this growth mentality and the phenomenal effect it has when people adopt it.

I know that when I fail it's a surefire sign that I was willing to get out of my comfort zone and accept vulnerability instead of staying safe and comfortable. It's the only way to grow. Maybe I will be able to do it next week, or next year, or in a decade, or never - and that's ok. But settling for who and what I am now is not. I accept who I am and I'm happy with me, but I will never be perfect and I will never be the finished article. I need to keep on growing - and that means failing time and again.

"Don't be afraid to fail. Don't waste energy trying to cover up failure. Learn from your failures and go on to the next challenge. It's OK to fail. If you're not failing, you're not growing." - Eric Foreman in House M.D.

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