A Tale Of Fruity Rage And Veggie Woe

Thousands of years ago, before the dawn of man as we knew him, the Earth was ruled by vegetables! Great power and privilege were theirs, including dominion over the lesser races of fruits. One vegetable above all, the Cabbage King, reigned supreme from his seat of power at Uncle Bernie's Farm. He's roots stretched far past the farm hose across the Strawberry Fields where the Earl of Corn kept the fruit Kingdoms in line. Apples and Oranges alike had to pay tribute to their veggie betters. One of these lesser races were the Prunes.

Led by the ambitious Duke of Prunes, they made great wealth selling bees and toasters to grizzly bears. However, the Prunes lived in squalor because of heavy taxes from the Cabbage King. It did not matter how stated the Bears appetite for honey on toast was, poverty was rampant and it continued to be the norm until the day the Duke declared Prunes vegetables. The Prunes stopped paying there taxes and demaned protection money form the other fruits.

The Cabbage King overboild with anger. He sent a messager to talk sense into the Duke of Prunes. The messager told him that Prunes can't be vegetables, that they are just dried plums! The Duke of Prunes grow livid as he was Pruney. He sentenced the messager to death by honey bee and declared war on the Cabbage King.

Battle was soon joined in the Strawberry Fields where the armies of Prune and Cabbage slaughtered each other for days. Thousands of inocent Strawberrys died as the Prunes salted the earth with pesticides, causing a toxic wasteland to spread like butter. Millions of Strawberry refuges fled to the other fruit kingdoms telling stories of a demonic prune from hell bent on fruity destruction. It caught the ear of another ambitious fruit, the Count of Tomatoes.

The Count of Tomatoes was an ambitious fruit who wanted to establish his people as vegetables. He was a shrewd fruit who kissed up to the vegetables in hope gaining social status. Where other fruits found dispare, the Count of Tomatoes saw opportunity. He sent he's army to the Strawberry Fields where the Cabbage King's forces were met with a spicy surprise attack! Those who did not retreat where grilled alive by the Tomatoes or drowned in vinegar by the Prunes. The Cabbage King's Men got served, big time! The display of barbarism shocked the other vegetables except for the Princess of Pumpkins.

She admired the Duke of Prunes' ruthlessnes ambition ever since he started he's war against the cabbages. They exchanged love liters doing the battle of Strawberry Fields and she became sympathetic to the plight of fruits. Soon after the Cabbages retreated, the Duke and Princeess meet for the first time and love ripend. The newlyweds spent their honeymoon in the Duke's fruity fortress preparing for war.

Meanwhile, The Earl of Corn grow green with envy. He coveted the Princess of Pumpkins as his wife. News of her becoming the Duchess of Prunes made him popping mad. He sent spies to claim the Princess of Pumpkins and sent an ultimatum; surrender or the pumpkin gets it!

However, the Duke of Prunes had a devilish plan. He invented a deadly bee weapon; flaming honey bees that burn vegetables and buildings alike with their stingers since they were lit aflame. Corin burned until their kernels popped. Colonel keep fail to the Prunes with no resistance. However, the Duke of Prunes found a rotten surprise. The Earl of Corn had the Duchess of Prunes gutted and mutilated with a jigsaw grin and a candle placed inside her hollowed corpse. The Duke of Prune's fruity range grew to Eldritch proportions. He ordered the Earl Corn locked inside a boiling Pot of water and the baby Corns thron into the air and impaled on cobs. The Duke then sent he's bee weapon upon the neighboring carrots for good measure and had all the babe Carrots chopped up into little bits. A new resolve took root in the Duke; all vegetables must die! It was a message that resonated with the potatoes who told told the Duke of Prunes how they were subjugated as fruity slaves by the Earl of Corn. The Duke of Prunes welcomed them to the fruity Alliance and marched deeper into Uncle Benny's Farm.

The Cabbage King was faced with a food fight he could not win. The fruity alliance raised most of Uncle Bernie's farm and had the farm house under siege. The Duke's bees alone could roast the farmhouse. However, the Cabbage King had a starchy scheme; the potatoes where spys! They bribed the Tomatoes with a deal sweeter than any cherry; kill the Duke of Prunes and become vegetables. The Count of Tomatoes called a meeting with the Duke and tided him to the ground and crushed him with a street roller. The Tomatoes collected the Dukes juices as proof of the rotten deed and the Potatoes Unleashed the bees on the fruity Alliance.

The Prunes where decimated but they could rebuild their Duke. Make him faster, stronger and prunier; they had the technology. The Prunes grafted toasters on to the Dukes' remains; reanimating him as something half Prune, half toaster. The Duke of Prunes became the Pruneanetor!

The Pruneanetor had one directive, the destruction of all fruits and vegetables starting with the Tomatoes who were burned alive under the Pruneanetor's toast vision. It then turned it's toasty gaze onto the Cabbages who were roasted alive in the burning farmhouse. The Cabbage King ran for his nutritious life but was caught by the Pruneanetor. He's bodyguards were shredded by its blender arms but that was to good for the Cabbage King. The Pruneanetor pinned him to the ground with toothpicks and slowly ripped him apart, layer by layer. The Kings' leavey giblits were then sauteed in butter and served to the grizzly bears with potatoes that were carved into thin strips and deep fried.

It was a offering that displeased the bears. bears do not eat vegetables. The bears only wanted more bees and toasters and more bees and toasters is what they got. The bears ripped and tired the Pruneanetor and attached its toasters to their flesh. They became Cyber-Bears; more machine than the average bear. Corrupted by The Duke's eldritch anger, the Cyber-Bears destroyed the fruit and vegetable kingdoms with their toasty army of Bees. They then borrowed deep beneath the earth to await the dawn of man and the invention of the smart toaster.

And that is why children don't like to eat vegetables.