FOX NEWS KILLED IT ON NEW YEARS EVE

You know those moments when you learn something dubious is actually true? Well, did you know CNN has led the ratings on New Years Eve for the past five years? Ah yes, before the era CNN earned it’s unofficial slogan fake news and becoming a certified meme, it was the silly looking Anderson Cooper and the annoying Kathy Griffin doing whatever it is they did on those god forsaken new year nights. Anyways, I’m not here to bash CNN. I’m a bigger person than that (or at least I think I am.) Amid the scrutiny facing CNN, it was the perfect chance for the cats over at Fox News to swoop in and steal the crown.

It’s only natural. Fox News f*cked the game up the past two years being the most watched network on cable. And that’s why they sent in the big guns. The charming and off the wall Kennedy and the extremely good looking Jesse Watters. (I’m a heterosexual by the way.) Two of the network’s most lovable pundits took the oath to entertain America on the coldest new year night on record. And the two did not disappoint, with many awesome moments throughout the night, I stumbled upon a profound notion that sparked my love for this network and prompted me write this piece.

The simplified statement for this notion (because my mind is very intricate) is that Fox News is just freaking awesome. During the night, Jesse mentions an anecdote that he spotted Bernie Sanders and then Kennedy chimes in with an improvisational blurt. “It’s so cold, the 1% is stealing all the hot air.” Hilarious. Another shining moment was when Jesse and Kennedy were interviewing some organization about dogs and vets, I think. (I’m a wizard at researching stuff.) And you know, it was like fifteen degrees, and one of the dogs was shaking, and Jesse told them to get the dog inside before PETA jumps on them. Making fun of a hipster doofus organization. Classic. And of course, who could forget when Kennedy put on an orange wig and utterly destroyed Kathy Griffin.

What I think I’m trying to say is that the fact Fox News doesn’t take themselves too seriously is so refreshing. These people are conservatives and they self identify as conservative (or libertarian. Leave me alone, label nazis.) And that is something you just don’t see on any other mainstream network. The buzzkillers over at CNN don’t self identify as liberals. They genuinely claim to be neutral. And that’s just a damn lie. And do you know what that leads to? Deceit. CNN or MSNBC claim to be unbiased. This is either blatant deceit or maybe they are just mentally unstable nutjobs. And then you have the cool kids over at Fox News, who are literally making fun of Bernie Sanders and Bill de Blasio on live television. I hope you see the contrast. Thanks, Fox News for making my 2017 awesome.