What Happens When we Love Someone More Than They Love us?
(A reader's question: If you love a person to the extreme, and he or she doesn't love you, do you have the right to still love that person?)
A. Everyone has the right to love whomever, and at whatever time, they choose. But love doesn't start with someone else. It starts inside of us, loving ourselves. If you love someone 'to the extreme', you are actually wanting their love to compensate for the lack of love you feel for yourself, and they would gradually find that off-putting.
When we truly love and appreciate who we are, we do not love anyone else more than we love ourselves. We meet them half way. By loving someone too much, it carries the message that their love is more important than yours, and you have to hang on to it at all costs. Furthermore, the less you love yourself, while loving someone too much, the less attractive and appealing you will appear, because that person will eventually feel claustrophobic with your constant attentions. It also carries the risk that when that person stops loving you, your world will fall apart, because you have depended on them so much for their presence and affection, they become the centre of your world, and it will be difficult to let them go. Should the relationship fail, you would have done nothing to provide a strong emotional base for yourself as a fall back position, which makes any breakdown unbearable.
If someone doesn't love you or want you, they are giving you a clear message of choice which should be respected. To still want to 'love' that person is to imply that you are not good enough for anyone else.
Everything in life which is most enjoyable and affirming is done in moderation. The best way to love, and be loved, is to begin by learning to love, appreciate, and to value yourself. You would then be strong and confident enough to leave or take someone else's attention. Their love will then enhance yours, not be a substitute for it. Most important, you won't need their approval or love to feel great, because you are already great without them. You will be able to reinforce yourself when things don't work out.
If someone doesn't love you or want you, they are giving you a clear message of choice which should be respected. To still want to 'love' that person is to imply that you are not good enough for anyone else. But you only belittle yourself in the process, because you will continually feel inadequate and unhappy. You also stop yourself from meeting someone else by hanging back in the past feeling rejected, and lonely, which is no way to live a life.
Love is something we have to give every moment of the day, and every day of our lives. It is not restricted to one person or situation. However, it starts inside us through self love, confidence, and self value. Once we have that fully developed within us, our capacity to love others is abundant, while at the same time keeping our distance from being too possessive or clingy. In fact, we will then have the assurance to pick and choose our mates assertively, and to readily say, 'NEXT!' when it doesn't work out as expected.
¢unrequited love #lowselfesteem #relationships
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