Don't need your help any longer, I’m still dying; so what’s the point

20:30 pm, saw my Christian friend today, as I had asked for help sometime ago; after seeing him on 5 different occasions, as I had previously told him; I had been with God, in his light in a very special way, a story for later; however, the issue was and still is, as I told my friend, how come He doesn't heal me, I believe beyond doubt; of cause I do, I was with Him.

So is it not possible; that my time is up, and I am supposed to go home (die) ?? I mean what about so many other religious and lets say enlightened people, whom have passed on from a (western world) disease/Medical care environment. I’m excluding the “alternative” route on purpose; as I personally believe and am experiencing positive results, whether spiritually or wholistically; one leads to the healing of the other. I’m no great guru, meditating hours and hours on end; surrounding my enviroment with Buddha’s and Crosses, art work that is eastern in nature, no, I believe in a more Zen approach, ‘No think’ my personal expression: Just B. No music are tech. Just “B”. and see what comes up; getting back, so they believed, why didn't God heal them? I am dying, I am reminded all the time, I'm never ever not in pain, bad pain, my pain meds. include morphine, I'm loosing wait; I struggle with ever movement, from the tips of my fingers to my toes, and yes typing is very difficult and my wrist gets the pain. I'm trying to explain to you, the reader, my state of 'physical being ' in the hope, that what I write further will make sense, okay tired, and getting to sore, so till later, iamstephen