Questionable Life Hacks Too Tempting to Resist

excusemeplease Aug 18 2017

In our lives we are often faced with a number of opportunities, when seen properly, in which we can leverage a somewhat unfair advantage over our peers. These are times where you may know something others don’t’, have become aware of how to bend the rules, or simply have a framework for understanding a situation that others do not. These life hacks aren’t always the most moral of approaches but—as with all things in life—can be used for either good or evil. Below are some of our most favorite hacks to get ahead in life.

Faking a Doctor’s Note to Get out of Work

Faking sick to get out of work or school is one of the oldest life hacks in the book. Kids, students, and under-appreciated workers have been using this one since the dawn of human intelligence. Cavemen probably pretended to be sick to get out of hunting some days. Unfortunately, many employers and schools require a written doctor’s note to excuse an absence. For those that are truly sick, this is an easy fix. For those simply laying out of work or school for their own recreational purposes, things can be a bit dicey. With every demand comes supply, and there are a host of different websites online that now offer fake doctor’s note templates that you can download, change a few things around, and are then completely printable doctor’s excuses for work or school. People have even been known to do this for fake pregnancies, in which they may even receive paid time off. One completely legitimite use for fake doctor’s note would be if you are truly sick, know it isn’t serious, and don’t want to shell out the cash to go to the doctor’s office. Your co-workers will thank you, your boss should thank you,  and your wallet will thank you.

The ‘Predictable’ Rock Paper Scissors Person

One way to get ahead in life, generally speaking, is to fake ignorance in occasions where you’ve nothing at stake, and then unleash your full ability when you stand to profit. This can’t always be used continuously, but one can usually ‘get lucky’ a few times before people start to realize what’s going on. One of the best examples we’ve seen of this can be captured through a clever use of the rock-paper-scissors game to make important decisions. For example, maybe you’ve a spouse, a sibling, a roommate, or just a friend that you see quite often. Together, you are faced with many decisions such as which restraint to eat at, which movie to seen, or maybe even which destination to vacation to. Inevitably, many of these decisions come down to opinion, which there is little logical support from either side. Rock paper scissors often enters the equation at this point, allowing a greater sense of skill and control over the situation than simply flipping a coin. The life hack here— always pick the same thing so the other person begins to build a sense of having more control than they actually do. For example, be the person that always picks rock. Make every decision more difficult that it has to be, and then make it result in rock paper scissors. Always pick rock, and always lose. Do this for things you care nothing about, and save up your wins for when there’s something big on the line. When the time comes, all you have to do to win a contest is choose ‘scissors’. The longer you wait between these times, the more control the other person will feel like they have, and the bigger decisions you can use it for.

Get Served Immediately at the DMV Office

The DMV—amiright? Very little introduction is needed to explain just how horrible the DMV is. It’s commonplace to have to wait for hours before one can get served for the most innocuous of tasks. Recent improvements in the online services offered by many State’s DMV departments allow for simple tasks like paying vehicle taxes and requesting duplicate licenses to be done from home. For a whole myriad of other issues however, we are still required to waste much of our afternoons, mornings, or evenings. The life hack here is to leverage the DMV’s own inefficiency against them. Most State DMVs (if not all) allow you to make an appointment online. This is meant to be done weeks in advance, though can be faked in such a way that can allow for it to be done compulsively. All one need do is go online, make an appointment, then save a digital copy of the confirmation you’ve received. Open this document (PDF usually) up in Photoshop, change all the information that could be used to look up the actual appointment in the system, backdate the confirmation time, and change the date to today, and time to whenever you want to be there. Just stroll on into the DMV with this note, and 9/10 the DMV employee behind the desk won’t even question that their system could have lost track of your appointment card.