Conceding the Results of the 2020 Election: A Trump Supporter Accepts Reality

Four score and seven plus two days ago, the USA's voters went to the ballot box to rubber-stamp the a priori decision of our elites as to who would preside over our great nation. And lo, once the necessary corrections were applied to the results, the media informed us that the Trump Era was over, and that Xi Jinping and George Soros would be our next President and Vice President (with special thanks to campaign manager Jack Dorsey). Graciously, they have allowed Joe Biden and Kamala Harris to act as their duly appointed spokespersons.

Thus, now is a time for HEALING and UNITY. This speech/essay having been composed entirely in good faith, I put it before the public to act as my “final word” on recent political events in the United States, guaranteeing that there shall be no hard feelings before I turn to completely ignoring our government/media/tech/financial establishment to the largest extent legally permissible.

I for one have high hopes for the incoming Administration. While undoubtedly the pending spectacle of Antifa getting Night-of-the-Long-Knives'ed will provide a certain degree of utterly superfluous entertainment, far more important will be not just one, but both of the semantic, rhetorical, symbolic accomplishments (whatever they end up being) which Harris/Biden will bring about over the course of the next two years. And riding the coattails of this august legacy will come others who achieve similar glorious heights once they have secured Twitter's permission to govern.

Our long national nightmare is over and everything is better now. For when Donald Trump promised to not go to war with Russia for no particular reason, and to bring jobs back to America (both of which he did), we knew, truly, that Fascism at last had come to our shores. Witness his microaggressive remarks directed at innocent CNN reporters and know, O children, that it can happen here.

For five years, top intellectuals such as Robert Reich, Paul Krugman, and basically everyone who writes for Politico put their lives and souls on the line to wait and see what leftists on the Internet said about Trump before rephrasing it. We must never forget the blood, toil, tears, and sweat that went into consuming only the finest cable news reports and then regurgitating their main points by means of more erudite-sounding verbiage, for in the realm of intellect, never has so much been given for the benefit of so few by those who possessed so little. Flipping back to the endnotes sections of history's future books, readers will know that, yea -- this was their finest hour.

If we were lesser men given to the sin of racism, a sin so pervasive that it has no definition that anyone can agree upon, we might mention the seven or eight months of continuous BLM riots that left thirty or so U.S. cities in flames, dozens of people dead, and caused billions in damage. But instead of that minor trivia, let us, instead, remember the victims of what may well be the worst incident of political violence in U.S. history.

I refer of course to the Operation-Barbarossa-like Mostly Peaceful Protest at the Capitol building on January 6, the horrors of which can scarcely be conceived. The eardrums of Congressional staffers, subjected to the sounds of people yelling while they milled through the hallways. The lingering vestiges of Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez's intelligence, insulted. The air quality in Mitch McConnell's office, befouled after some chick smoked a joint there. The chair! The chair of Nancy Pelosi, urinated upon. REMEMBER. REMEMBER THE SACRIFICES MADE BY OUR BRAVE CONGRESSPERSONS DURING THE SIEGE OF CAPITOL HILL.

(Also a 14-year Air Force veteran who was shot in the neck and killed by a D.C. police officer; however, Ms. Babbit was not a member of Congress and therefore did not have anything important to do. And the three cops who died, one from complications related to having a door slammed into him and two others by suicide, after D.C. Mayor Muriel Bowser repeatedly refused backup to the men and women guarding the building.)

Truly, the Capitol Siege was a turning point in the American saga, and indeed the saga of the world, given its moral equivalence to such events as the Pearl Harbor bombing (as sagely expressed by his eminence Chuck Schumer), the "Year Zero" program of the Khmer Rouge, the French Revolutionary Terror, the Blitz, the depopulation of Central Asia by Genghis Khan, and the eradication of the dinosaurs by a really big asteroid. How could it have come to this? THE CHAIR. REMEMBER THE CHAIR.

Work remains to be done. Illustrious individuals such as John Brennan, the former head of the Obama-era CIA which presided over the stimulus issued to the hardworking morticians and gravediggers of Libya and Syria while selling weapons to ISIS in hopes of destabilizing Assad, have stated that we must now engage in a similar campaign on our own soil against approximately one-third of the U.S. populace. For the forces of white-supremacist domestic terrorism even now plot further attacks against innocent chairs and/or hedge funds.

But the worst aspect of this past hideous quartet of years has nonetheless been put to bed. THE DON IS GONE, sorta. Rejoice, and think of those who have been freed from his tyranny.

Journalism Majors who finally just saved up enough to move out of Portland, so that nightly anarchocommunist explosions won't disturb their sleep, will never again have to live in fear of Donald Trump's orange and mocking tongue of oppression.

Morbidly obese women with Cluster B personality disorders, no longer encumbered by an endless flood of monolithic negative press coverage about their former leader's obviously hyperbolic statements, will return confidently to erotic fanfiction forums, where they can feel proud of President Kamala and speculate at great length upon those passionate encounters with Joe Biden wherein she demonstrated her keenness of mind via creative employment of colostomy bags and Ben-Gay.

Longtime luminaries of the Republican Party will rub their tired shoulders, having shrugged off the heavy yoke imposed by trying hard to win at things, and gaze, blinking, into the light of a fresh new dawn, knowing that the day holds the promise of vastly lowered expectations.

U.S. military personnel (and their families) will be spared the scourge of peace.

Truly though, it was the common, man-in-the-street, average, normal, Open-Society-Foundation-funded people who turned the tide against dictatorship. For they fought the good fight, so convinced of the righteous necessity of stopping the booming Trump economy dead in its tracks via Molotov cocktail and liberating social media from his Tweets via cop-killing that they were even willing to team up with an assortment of Bush/Cheney operatives. Indeed, Neocons and the Left agree on one fundamental principle: That it is acceptable to destroy an entire country for the purpose of removing a leader whom they dislike. We have seen evidence of their resolve in such disparate cities as Baghdad, Portland, Aleppo, Minneapolis, Tbilisi, Seattle, Benghazi, New York, Kiev, and Washington D.C. Such is the heroic mettle of the color(ful) revolutionaries among them.

We should also give credit to the principled Republicans of the Lincoln Project, who understood the moral travesty which Trump represented and worked tirelessly to depose him by collecting millions in donations and then spending a very small fraction of it on a couple advertisements before pocketing the rest, and whose founding membership includes such luminaries as Rick Wilson, who asserted that all Trump supporters "masturbate to anime" shortly before his own son was found to have a fetish for urinating into prostitutes' mouths; and John Weaver, who was revealed to have been sexually harassing his younger male co-workers.

But now that we have our first female Treasury Secretary, the dreaded Taiwan Virus will start to go away, eventually, once Anthony Fauci gets bored and his book endorsement deal goes through or something. We can relax, knowing we have a government willing to stand up for... whatever it is Biden/Harris stands for, now that they won't have anti-Trumpism to fall back on... disposable Chinese-made masks, I think? Yes. The terror that led to so many people having to wipe their asses with napkins or paper towels will soon end. Partially with the much-appreciated aid of the six Democrat governors who ordered small businesses to declare bankruptcy lest they "kill Grandma" at the exact same time that said governors were ordering COVID patients to be lodged in nursing homes, which accounted for something like a third of all C-19 deaths in the United States. As we all know, however, the other two-thirds were personally murdered by Donald Trump when he came into their rooms at night and spat in their mouths while they were sleeping.

Trump is also individually responsible for that one guy who, after hearing the word "hydroxychloroquine" in one of the President's speeches, decided to vaccinate himself by drinking aquarium cleaner (and died). Given how many rational adults think it is a good idea to ingest cleaning products, the media was undoubtedly correct in telling everyone that HCQ was 100% worthless for several months of the pandemic until shortly after the election when medical authorities abruptly said that it actually did save lives, after all.

As for the election, sadly, it remains that half of the American public believes the laughable claim that there may have been "irregularities," a concept so obviously ridiculous that every single mainstream media outlet repeatedly and emphatically refers to it with terms like "totally unfounded" and "baseless" just to make sure we're getting the point that we are not allowed to ask questions about it.

This myth seems to originate from the knowledge that Trump was ahead on Election Night, and then a bunch of counties with Democrat governments suddenly called a halt to voting and then at like 3 a.m. they "found" a vast number of votes of which 98% were for Biden. Or the thing when multiple accountants said that the numbers produced by the election would have been a massive red flag that fraud had occurred by their professional standards. Or the sworn affidavits by U.S. Postal workers saying that they were ordered to accept and process late ballots, or drive pre-filled ballots across state lines, and that sort of thing. Or when independent or GOP observers were locked out of Dem-controlled vote counting stations, or blocked off from being able to observe vote counting at a close enough distance to see anything, all of which was caught on camera. Or the Arizona statistician who said he would rather resign from his profession than certify the "obviously fraudulent" election results. Or the thousands of ballots supposedly cast by people from out-of-state who had since moved, or thousands of supposed voters who were all registered at the exact same address, or thousands of votes cast by deceased people, the overwhelming majority of which were for Biden. Or the fact that Biden somehow supposedly got 81 million votes while winning only 477 counties (contrasted with Obama's 69 million votes while winning 873 counties or Trump's minimum of 74 million votes while winning 2,497 counties). Or the blue-vote-harvesting scheme in Texas that was so obvious that the local government had no choice but to actually prosecute it. Or the sworn affidavit by the guy in Italy saying that he was personally involved with efforts to offshore U.S. vote counts so that they could be tampered with by elements of the Italian, German, and Spanish governments. Or the fact that Dominion Voting Systems, used in every single contested state, was founded by a self-described Antifa sympathizer and has ties with the communist government of Venezuela. Or when, at the Georgia election hearings, data analysis specialist Jovan Pulitzer sat there on camera with a tablet and hacked into a voting machine while the hearing was going on just to demonstrate how easy it was. Or when the Board of Supervisors of Maricopa County, AZ, was subpoenaed in November to release their voting information to be audited but they refused to do so until... the 20th of January (at which point they tried to have it audited by a company affiliated with Dominion Voting Systems and then were caught illegally destroying ballots while continuing to stall the audit).

Stuff like that.

Every single one of these incidents is Misinformation(TM) and/or a conspiracy theory, and should be immediately reported as such to the various Twitter, Facebook, Google, and Apple employees who now work for the Biden Administration. Because all of us can agree that, in order for our sacred democracy to function, we must be confident that inconvenient facts which give aid and comfort to Big Globalism's enemies will be kidnapped, chloroformed, and stuffed into rusty "Free Candy" vans by our tech giants' dedicated teams of White-Claw-sipping fact checkers.

But despite our collective misfortune in that Trump supporters are still allowed to exist, so far, there is a bright future ahead of us all in the new Morning of America. It would seem, for example, that Biden has made several improvements to the decor of the White House, such as replacing the bust of Winston Churchill with one of Cesar Chavez (a labor organizer who was vehemently opposed to amnesty for illegal immigrants), or adding more couches on which Hunter Biden can receive footjobs from hookers and/or the wives of his family members, complete with readily-accessible ashtrays for his crack pipe. And after someone from the Vice President's office accidentally spikes Joe's sleepy-time drink with excessive sedative and he falls down the stairs and then accidentally shoots himself twice in the back of the head, America will, in relatively short order thereafter, see the Oval Office filled by its first legitimately-elected female President of color: Candace Owens.

But for now, Joe and Kamala will continue to execute the ceremonial duties they are instructed to perform. And bravely they shall grasp the reins of power, notwithstanding severe arthritis and shakiness in Biden's case and large grease stains in Harris's, and return the Wall-Street/People's-Liberation-Army/Epstein-Island status quo to its rightful place, though their reign be tenuous and though they will rule over a wasteland of their own making.

We wish them luck.

~ Airyaman, Jan. 30th, 2021