memories of a time long time ago

The edge of the abyss the feeling of despair and grief. As one who has lost his left foot to flesh-eating bacteria, you would expect you could grow out of that weird place. Meaning the elderly folks' home they sent me to. At first I could not understand the aged people. Then we would gather and talk. The nurses would communicate with me but not talk. How was your day? What is up? I finally got better and was worried meaning I started noticing that people were forgotten at lunch time for bringing them to the lunchroom. The conversation begins to be silly. One lady would smile and talk to me in Spanish. She would talk in a way you felt that she knew you but in reality, the conversation was sad. She was there to die. Then one day they stopped bring her into the lunch room. Hospice was signed and they just let her have her food in her room. I cried I think. People humans, humanity being forgotten not noticed not cared for but just let to be fed and disappear from the face of the earth. I worried for I was one of them the drugs I was on allowed me to communicate to people that the nurses did not talk to. I was worried. What was life but a reality through which chemical change the perspective of what was real and was not? I stayed up all nights watching storage wars the whole three seasons. I wondered why a doll would be deserving so much where as a bike was worth so little. I started to care again and noticed my talking in the gathering to happen less. The sadness was most were there to die. They had visitors but to die alone that made no sense. To work all those years provide a living a life maybe some happiness and to go out with well watching some stupid television. No great stories, no life. The games, the books were even old. You wonder is life at its end worth living or just another excuse to cry.