Projection

A week or so ago, I did a little research on the psychological concept of projection: When we know what darkness we're capable of but we can't face it so, we start assigning that behavior to others whether it's there or not. 

Biblically, the concept was understood before psychology laid claim to it by labeling it "projection". 

"Therefore thou art inexcusable, O man, whosoever thou art that judgest: for wherein thou judgest another, thou condemnest thyself; for thou that judgest doest the same things." ~Romans 2:1

Projection occurs when we aren't willing to face our own shit honestly. When we can't admit to ourselves that we aren't perfect, that sometimes we have dark thoughts, dark feelings, and dark motivations.

To face those things makes most of us feel yucky. We're told to love ourselves and to love ourselves we need to feel like we're good. After all, we don't give love to yucky people, right? We don't want to be associated with yucky people. We don't want to be undesirable. We don't want to be unlovable. We want to present our best image, but we're not into being fake so, we have to believe that we are that imagine. We may or may not be fully consciously aware of our yuckiness, but when we can't face it honestly, we write it off in a myriad of ways. 

Projection happens when we fear that we won't be loved if we have darkness so, we ignore our own darkness. However, ignoring it doesn't work. It must be dealt with so, we start to see it in others and, often, give them what we're afraid of getting - suspicion, condemnation, rejection, and a wall goes up around our ability to give them our love.

The very best thing that came from my faith experience with Christianity was the knowledge that I was loved in full understanding of my whole person. That an omniscient and perfect God, sees every corner of my being and passionately loves me anyway. To be fiercely loved despite my yuckiness, was the freedom I needed to face my yuckiness head on, in honesty, and deal with it. 

Love is such a powerful force in our lives and fear, not hate, is it's opposite. Fear binds us in deeply unimaginable ways and causes us to do awful things to ourselves and others. Love sets us free. Through my faith journey I acquired the habit of facing my shit honestly and giving myself the space to accept that I'm not perfect and the space to fix it. And, knowing I was loved, made it easier to be authentic, to be broken open for all the world to see me in truth. Where I'm unloved for who I am, where the image someone has of me in their head gets tarnished by the truth, it is that person's problem not mine. And, that's easy to live by when I don't want or need that person's love, it's harder to live by when I do.

But, maintaining an image that isn't accurate is exhausting. Having to hide the truth, or keep it to myself, makes me an emotionally hard person to be around. "What's the mood change?" Can I tell this person what I'm working through under the hood? Is it safe to say it? So, even when fear tries to grip me tight, I try my best to bust past it. This habit is internally healthy for me. 

Projection happens with all of us, a lot more than most of us probably realize. It still happens with me. But, not often for very long before I realize I need to turn my judgmental spotlight back in on myself. Am I seeing this or that motivation in someone else because it's in me? 9 times out of 10, that's the case.

And, even when it's not the case or when it's both in me and in them, the next line of thought, the next habit to build is the golden rule: To treat others the way I want to be treated. How do I want to be treated with the knowledge that I'm not perfect, that I have darkness? Well, I want to know I'm loved anyway.

The theme in the Bible verse that often gets the focus of admonition is "judgment". "Don't judge". But, that isn't the most important theme. Because, to be your best person, you should judge yourself, often and regularly through intensely honest self analysis. The thing we shouldn't do, is condemn.

I am not perfect. I have depths of darkness that would make you want to unsubscribe from my channel if you didn't know your own so well. Condemnation is the purview of people who don't face their own yuckiness very often. Love - patience and faith that I will do the right thing with my yuckiness - is the purview of people who know they're no better.

I can understand almost any darkness in another because I know my own. What turns me away is almost never someone else's darkness. What turns me away is either a lack of love in the face of my relentless truth or when I run up against someone who can't face their own demons.

In order to know whether or not our demons play well together. You have to know what yours are.

I know what mine are and I know they don't define me, they aren't all of what makes me who I am, and, in facing them, they can't control me. But, I have demons and I'm not going to live under condemnation for them, certainly not by people who have their own. 

Projection stops when you can face your own shit honestly and love yourself anyway. I love myself, and I know my yuckiness. I am capable of loving others, despite their demons, because I know my own. And, that's why I'm relentlessly open and honest, I want real love and I want to really love others. I can't maintain an image of perfection and I don't want to project my brokenness on other people who are walking through this world the way I am, just wanting to be known and loved for who they are.