Wednesday Jokes!

Nothing but the truth!

A married man was having an affair with his secretary.



One day they went to her place and made love all afternoon. Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8pm. The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes outside and 
rub them in the grass and dirt. Then he put on his shoes and drove home.



"Where have you been?" his wife demanded.



"I can't lie to you," he replied, "I'm having an affair with my secretary. We had sex all afternoon."



She looked down at his shoes, seeing the state they were in, and said: "You liar! You've been playing golf!"

The helpful wife

A male driver is pulled over by a cop and the following conversation takes place:


Man: What's the problem officer?


Cop: You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone.


Man: No sir, I was going 65.


Wife: Oh Harry. You were going 80. 
(Man gives his wife a dirty look.)


Cop: I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light.


Man: Broken tail light? I didn't know about a broken tail light!


Wife: Oh Harry, you've known about that tail light for weeks.
(Man gives his wife another dirty look.)


Cop: I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt.


Man: Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car.


Wife: Oh Harry, you never wear your seat belt.


Man: Shut your mouth, woman!


Cop: Ma'am, does your husband always talk to you this way?


Wife: No, only when he's drunk.