Why men might hate parrots!
A woman went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large, beautiful parrot.. There was a sign on the cage that said $50.00.
"Why so little," she asked the pet store owner.
The owner looked at her and said, "Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a house of prostitution and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff."
The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird any way. She took it home and hung the bird's cage up in her living room and waited for it to say something. The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said, "New house, new madam."
The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then thought "that's really not so bad."
When her 2 teenage daughters returned from school the bird saw and said, "New house, new madam, new girls."
The girls and the woman were a bit offended but then began to laugh about the situation considering how and where the parrot had been raised.
Moments later, the woman's husband Keith came home from work. The bird looked at him and said, "New house, new madam, new girls. Old punters. Hi, Keith."
Too sheer Lingerie!
A husband walks into Contessa to purchase some see-through lingerie for his wife. He is shown several possibilities that range from £250 to £500 in price, the more see-through, the higher the price. He opts for the sheerest item, pays the £500 and takes the lingerie home. He presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs, put it on and model it for him.
Upstairs, the wife thinks, "I have an idea. It's so see-through that it might as well be nothing. I'll not put it on, do the modelling naked and return it tomorrow and get a 500 refund for myself. She appears naked at the top of the stairs and strikes a pose.
The husband blurted out in shock, "Good grief! It wasn't that creased in the shop".
His funeral is next week!