Monday Jokes!

Eligible Bachelor 


An old lady was sitting on a park bench in one of the Sun City communities in Arizona. A man walked over and sits down on the other end of the bench.

After a few moments, the woman plucked up the courage to ask, "Are you a stranger here?"

He replies, "I lived here years ago."

"So, where were you all these years?"

"In prison," he says drily.

"Why did they put you in prison?"

He looked at her, and very quietly said, "I killed my wife."

"Oh!" she said, brightening up. "So you're single then..."

The Drinker's Prayer



Starkle starkle, little twink


who the hell you are I think


I'm not under what you call


the alcofluence of incohol.


I'm just a little slort of sheep


I'm not drunk like tinkle peep


I don't know who is me yet


but the drunker I stand here
the longer I get


Just give me one more drink


to fill me cup
'cuz I got all day sober


to Sunday up!