Monday Jokes!

Best joke of the year?

Voted Best Joke of the Year in Australia:


Kiwi walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm and says: "Darling, this is the pig I have sex with when you have a headache."



His girlfriend is lying in bed and replies: "I think you'll find that's a sheep, you idiot."



The man says: " I think you'll find I wasn't talking to you."

Where Christ lives


A Sunday School teacher of pre-schoolers was concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus Christ because of the Christmas season emphasis on His birth. He wanted to make sure they understood that the birth of Jesus occurred a long time ago, that He grew up, etc. So he asked his class, "Where is Jesus today?"



Steven raised his hand and said, "He's in heaven."



Mary was called on and answered, "He's in my heart."



Little Davie waving his hand furiously, blurted out, "I know! I know! He's in our bathroom!"



The teacher was completely at a loss for a few very long seconds. Finally, he gathered his wits and asked Little Davie how he knew this.



Little Davie replied, "Well... Every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door, and yells, "Jesus Christ, are you still in there?!"

Bar manager wanted!

A man walked into a bar, went up to the counter and ordered a beer.

"Certainly Sir. That'll be 1p," the barman replied.


"1p!" the man exclaimed.

He glanced at the menu and asked "How much for a nice juicy steak and a bottle of wine?"

"

5p", the barman replied.

"5p!" the man exclaimed again. "Where's the guy who owns this joint?



The bartender replied; "Upstairs with my wife."

The man asked, "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?"



The bartender replied, without batting an eyelash, "The same thing I am doing with his business."