Friday Jokes!

Some simple facts of life

1. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't.

2. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.

3. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.

4. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

5. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

6. I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are just missing.

7. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

8. God must love stupid people; He made so many.

9. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

10. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

11. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

12. Being "over the hill" is much better than being under it!

13. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

14. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.

15. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless DEAD.

35th anniversary

A married couple, both 60 years old, were celebrating their 35th anniversary. During their party, a fairy appeared to congratulate them and grant them each one wish. The wife wanted to travel around the world.

The fairy waved her wand and poof - the wife had tickets in her hand for a world cruise.

Next, the fairy asked the husband what he wanted.

He said; "Sorry dear, but I wish I had a wife 30 years younger to go with me."

The the fairy picked up her wand, and poof - the husband was 90!