10 Easy Ways of Developing Effective Interpersonal Skills
Many people have difficulty coping with personal and social situations, but there are simple mechanisms that can turn fear into confidence, when dealing with routine interactions.
Developing effective interpersonal skills begins with looking outwards; being generous with praise, and having a genuine desire to listen and encourage at every opportunity. Too many people are only interested in hearing their own voices, or putting their colleagues down to make themselves feel better. That is not designed to win friends, or influence anyone.
Like the businessman who used to boast that, as director, he was the only person who talked at his meetings because he tended to have the best ideas! He did not like suggestions, and emphasised that he always had to tell his staff what to do, because 'they never have anything to contribute'. It was no surprise he went bust a few months later, his business having become sorely short of new input, tolerance, and general goodwill.
If you have any doubts about your own skills in dealing with others, you could improve them significantly by following these simple suggestions.
If you show colleagues how to build on what they already have, it will be far more productive and empowering, rather than destroying the foundations they've laid for personal ego or displaying power.
1. Never be afraid to make the first move, but try to be positive, not negative, and sensitive to how others might react. Sometimes setting the lead can inspire others to do the same, especially if they are unsure of the situation. It could also bring you the attention you need to make a difference and feel valued.
2. Try to address someone by their exact name. Names are our most significant cultural and social labels. Remembering a person's name is a sincere sign of interest, is highly flattering, and seldom forgotten.
3. Praise first and criticise later, and only if you have to. No matter how 'constructive' the criticism is, if that is all you tend to do, instead of noticing the good actions as well, it won't do anything positive for the recipient, and will only breed resentment.
4. Make constructive criticisms, not destructive ones, bearing in mind that there are many routes to the same end. If you show colleagues how to build on what they already have, it will be far more productive and empowering, rather than destroying the foundations they've laid, for personal ego or displaying power.
5. Aim to be clear, brief, and courteous on the telephone. Rehearse your opening sentence before you start speaking, and the rest of the conversation should follow more easily.
6. Keep meetings short and interesting, and try to involve everyone present. In a situation where colleagues are vying for attention, it is easy to notice the articulate ones, while you miss the quiet and reticent ones who could really make an impact with some encouragement.
7. Try to LISTEN more than you speak. You are likely to notice certain unspoken elements that would have otherwise gone unnoticed. Not only that, the person will feel you are genuinely interested in what they are saying, not just waiting to add your thoughts.
Interactions are actually governed by what is considered appropriate for that particular moment, no matter how 'right' one might feel: an important distinction that is lost on many people.
8. Try to be more persuasive than divisive. People will go to the ends of the earth for you if they feel valued and appreciated. You are likely to get much more done that way. They will feel resentment if they do not believe they're being treated fairly, or feel used in any way.
9. Always acknowledge another person's point of view, even if you disagree with it. Their view is as important to them, as yours is to you. If there is a deadlock, think about it for a while and agree to differ. When it comes to relationships, it's not about who's 'right' or 'wrong', because interactions are not competitions. They are about learning to work together harmoniously, acknowledging, respecting and accommodating others, so that everyone is satisfied with the experience.
Interactions are actually governed by what is considered appropriate for that particular moment, no matter how 'right' one might feel: an important distinction that is lost on many people.
10. Above all, it is your right to express yourself freely, to support what you believe in, as long as you remember that this right also applies to everyone else, and carries much responsibility for both compromise and sensitivity.
These handy guidelines may not reduce all anxieties, or solve all interpersonal problems, but, with regular usage, your personal skills and approach should dramatically improve and be positively enhanced, gradually becoming far more enjoyable, and infinitely more rewarding.
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