Am I Part Of A Greater Whole? Or Am I A Cog In The Machine?

Am I part of a greater whole? Or am I a cog in the machine? On the surface, these two expressions mean the same thing, yet there is an important distinction. The former has a positive connotation; the latter negative. Why is this?

To be part of a greater whole means that I am part of a community. We know each other. We value each other. We each make our own contribution to serve a common goal, a collective destiny, a vision of a future that we share.

To be a cog in the machine is to be a replaceable part, but being replaceable is not what distinguishes a cog from a part of a greater whole, for even a part of a greater whole can be replaced. To be a cog in the machine is to serve a foreign goal, an alien destiny, a vision of a future that fails to inspire.

When I work for a corporation whose primary motive is to serve shareholders whose primary motive is to increase wealth – and the reason for this wealth accumulation isn't clearly articulated – I feel like a cog in the machine, serving an alien power, bound to will of an alien destiny.

When I work for a company whose primary motive is to put Man on Mars and to transform our civilization into a spacefaring empire – and the reason for accumulating wealth is to serve this vision of the future – I feel like I am part of a greater whole, and I would gladly dedicate my life in service to this glorious destiny.

As I look around at the society in which I live, I see many people bound in service to alien machinations, slaves to an alien vision of a future none of us want. I see few leaders capable of articulating and, more importantly, manifesting a vision of a future we can rally behind. The few leaders that exist are far away. I cannot participate in their enterprise, nor do I have the skills to contribute meaningfully to their vision of the future.

And so I am a cog lost in a complex assembly of interchangeable parts, soiled in the grease of a well-oiled machine.

I am a follower in search of a leader, for I do not have the strength to lead, but I am capable and willing to serve that which I deem worthy of my service. In my view, a good follower is not a mindless drone. A good follower is he who exercises discernment when choosing a leader.

Without a strong leader to articulate my purpose and destiny, I have no connection to my community and the greater society in which I live. I am alone in a sea of millions. Any friendships I might forge in this state of being is meaningless. In the absence of purpose, a common goal, a collective project, friendship is merely a distraction. A way to kill time. It is insufferable, and I reject it.

Disconnected from society, lacking a worthy vision to follow, I pursued my personal and selfish ambitions. I sought to become a successful novelist. I made that my purpose. I devoted my spare time to that pursuit and poured the last of my strength into this endeavour, yet it has failed. It has served no one, not even myself. A terrible failure. A life-changing failure. It has opened my eyes to a vision of hell that will come to pass if nothing changes.

In my search for the answers I seek, I've come across some advice on the internet. I've been told to clean my room, to take on responsibility so that I might find my purpose, yet I am a man who maintains his house in pristine condition, whose personal effects are arranged in perfect order. And I am a man who has taken on responsibility, for I have donned the suit of a professional career, and I have many people under my responsibility – my employer, my coworkers, my subordinates, and my clients.

To those who vaunt about responsibility, I ask you this: what does it mean to take on responsibility when it requires you to become a cog in the machine?

Nothing.

Thus, I find your answer lacking.

I no longer wish to shoulder the responsibility of an alien purpose, an alien vision, an alien power.

And I no longer wish to pursue my selfish and personal ambitions, for my vain fantasy of success in the arts has been shattered by the resounding roar of silence.

I must take some time to collect my thoughts, to reflect upon the path that I've walked and the paths which remain before me.

During this time, I shall seek out a true leader. I shall find my true calling.

I shall find my community – those I can call my people.

I shall deliver myself and my people unto our collective destiny. 

Our manifest destiny. 

I wish myself good luck and Godspeed. 

If you're a subscriber and you've followed my internal monologue this far, rest assured that this does not mean I will stop writing stories. It only means that I cannot define myself by that sole ambition, for that is a path to hell with no way out.

Sincerely,

Michael E. Vigil