Setting Boundaries Is Healthy, No Matter Who You Upset (A Rant)
Psychology Spirituality Tired Anxiety Stress People Pleasing Manifestation JournalingHey Sensational Soul!
If you're anything like me, you don't like to upset others. In fact, harmony is more important to you than ruffling other people's feathers.
However...
You wake up sometimes and you think to yourself, "I'm ALWAYS giving in some shape or form and people just keep taking from me! I'm so exhausted of this and I'm ready to just hide from the entire world!"
I felt this way for years, and I do mean YEARS. Then I decided I needed to examine WHY I was allowing others to take advantage of me, take me for granted, and just keep taking from me altogether.
And this is what I've learned:
▪ Pleasing everyone around you is NOT going to make them happy. In fact, it makes them even more greedy in their need to be supplied with whatever it is they want from you. You give them an inch and they want a mile. You give them a mile and they want 100 miles. It's a cyclical form of self-sabotage that leads you FURTHER AWAY from your own self-love. Sure, I know, you are going to make up an excuse such as, “But so and so needs me to do this…” Whatever, you don’t love yourself and it shows.
▪ Putting others before yourself is actually going to make things WORSE for you and for others. But how? It's because you set unrealistic expectations towards others when you put them before yourself. And this leads to lack of respect that you so crave from others BECAUSE they know they can turn to you at ANY point in time, for ANYthing. You’re now the "welcome" mat you didn’t realize you have become until it got all muddy and peed on from dogs passing by while on their walk.
▪ Being the person who “saves the day” for everyone else drains your energy and makes you a cranky soul no one wants to be around- and then you end up feeling lonely because no one wants to be around you because you’re so damn cranky! Yep.
Newsflash, you ARE human. You are NOT a robot, you are not Iron Man, and you are NOT Superman or Batman either. I hate to disappoint you...I would choose Batman; but this is beside the point.
If you are agreeing to a lot of requests by others, you are draining your energy reserve. And when you drain your energy reserve, you don't have much energy left to take care of yourself. And when you don't take care of yourself, you get cranky because "the vampires", as I like to call them, keep wanting to suck your blood/energy from you. Not ALL vampires are as enjoyable to be around as Count Dracula on Sesame Street…
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I’ve been there. I’ve most definitely been there. And I needed a HUGE wake-up call
Most people don't realize their 1 or 2 requests are being multiplied by 30 or more people/situations on a daily basis. So, of course, they don't realize that you are smiling and nodding "yes" when inside you are wishing and praying, “If only I could manifest a 20-minute nap” each day. This brings me to this question:
Are you getting enough sleep at night? Probably not. I'm in the same boat, sometimes.
So, what can you do to turn this all around?
▪ Before you RESPOND to an email, to someone in person, or to them over the phone, tell them you will get back to them soon because you need to check your schedule. And then really think about it asking yourself, "Do I REALLY want to do this for this person? Or, am I just wanting to say 'yes' so that way I don't upset them?"
▪ Understand that no matter how much you please others, you are NEVER going to be able to make EVERYONE happy. I mean, just last night I blocked some negative asshole on social media because he decided to drink the negative Kool-Aid and was spamming my social media page with rude comments and gestures.
So, I put my foot down on social media (along with a cheeky and funny photo quote) warning everyone that I WILL block their ass if they come onto my page and spam my page with rudeness and negativity (I don't do that to their pages). Well, one person (not the person I blocked) actually blocked ME after leaving a response stating they didn't like my "temper tantrum".
Cue…what's the phrase? Oh, "Byyyyeeee, Felicia!"
Listen, I don't care who you are, if you're going to be rude TO me, I'm just going to block you because "ain't nobody got time for that."
Why try to please people who cannot understand that it's actually a GOOD THING to have healthy boundaries in life? Yes, I am here to help people, we all have our gifts we share with the world; but this doesn't mean I should stand for bullying. HELL NO!
You can't please everyone, and you really shouldn't WANT to please everyone, anyway. Own yourself, you are a total badass at life and you DO deserve the self-respect you maintain FOR your own soul. Which brings me to my next point...
▪ You can't pour from an empty cup. If you are spending most of your time each day tending to others' needs, you won't have any time for yourself and to refuel your OWN energy. And after a while this leads to a train-wreck (i.e.- you, wall, you hit wall, you fall down).
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What to do instead?
PACE YOURSELF. Utilize a calendar on your phone and space out each task, each day. For example, I perform my Mastering Your Mindset journaling each day and I allot myself at least 5-10 minutes each day to do it. And then I allow myself 30 minutes or so to respond to emails/messages, an hour and a half for blogging, etc. (space it all out).
Also, when you pace yourself and spread things out on your calendar, you are not only more likely to STICK to completing them; but you are also more confident in replying to a request to help set the necessary healthy boundary in place, "Let me check my schedule and I will get with you soon!"
And then you look at your calendar and buy yourself some time to figure out:
1) do I really want to do this? Or, am I just saying "yes" because I don't want to upset others?
And 2) where can I fit this in my day and on what day (BECAUSE I really want to do this)?
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Before last year I had NO CLUE what it meant to have healthy boundaries in place for myself. And then I woke up after feeling completely drained and just plain irritable. Not to mention that I had a health scare and was ordered "to rest" for a week. I'm happy to say my blood pressure is in good condition, thanks TO setting healthy boundaries. BONUS! I lost 21 lbs. when I took back my OWN power and put my self-love and care FIRST. No gym required.
When you live by your own healthy boundaries you put into place, you start to feel calmer, happier, more at ease, in flow, and in alignment. And then everything you want to manifest comes more rapidly BECAUSE you are emitting calmer, happier, more at ease, in flow, and in alignment vibes into the Universe stating, “more of these types of blessings, please!”
I strongly urge you to re-evaluate your thought and behavioral patterns if you are feeling overworked, overstretched, and completely drained of your energy.
And for your Mastering Your Mindset journaling, ask yourself the following and journal out your answer at least 5 times:
▪ WHY am I constantly feeling stressed/tired/anxious/nervous/etc.?
▪ WHAT could I be thinking/feeling and doing INSTEAD in order to fulfill my self needs and self-love?
It’s time to get more in touch with your soul’s wants and needs, Baby!
Until next time...
Change Your Mindset & You Change Your Life,
Journal Girl Jaclyn