Don't Chase Broken Women

It's everywhere today; the tumblr posts, the open letters and romantic movies starring millionaire cast members. Whether its romanticized openly or subliminally, popular culture has elevated the concept of a man who abandons his potential to save his partner from themselves. It almost takes a lifetime of failed relationships and emotional toil to figure out how fundamentally wrong this is; how it almost never leads to a successful, fruitful union. Being noble is not synonymous with being a doormat, or a platform for someone else to grow. 

Being "broken" can mean many things, however it generally seems to mean a woman who is trying to find herself through spiritually draining amounts of meaningless sex. As a society we've done a wonderful job of destroying the spiritual elements of Western culture that once provided direction and meaning, and in their absence we find Hedonism (the pursuit of pleasure and intrinsic goods) and Nihilism (meaninglessness, nothing matters). This, in concert with feminism, has had a particularly awful impact on young women. Now squarely in the driver seat, Millennial women in particular have paid a brutal price. Without a firm spiritual background or self-discipline, there is little resistance to the culture of promiscuity in the name of "finding balance/happiness". The culmination of the sexual revolution was an entire generation of young women who lost two decades of their life to the meaninglessness, at the very least. Now, more likely to get divorced than ever (if married at all), they must pick up the pieces and fill the holes years of sexual degeneracy created in their character. 

Young men are no better off. Decades of feminism and anti-masculine brainwashing have created generations of losers that beg for sex. The result is men who are not dominant, do not provide direction, or act as the patriarchal pillar of their family unit. Instead, it's culturally more acceptable to act feminine and appear "less threatening". Their lack of confidence or self worth manifests in  being overly attached to popular culture. The Millennial generation is now in its thirties, the stereotypical victim of this level of Nihilist cultural influence fanatically involved with comic book movies and popular bands from the 1970's and 1980's. Often, they know their innate lack of status in society, and thus target "fallen angels"; beautiful women who they think are out of their league, but are broken and need "a little fixing". 

The idea is that after the woman is "fixed", she will be a loyal asset to the budding family, and the man would have someone he wouldn't normally deserve by his side in the end. This meets a lot of emotional needs for many young men; it gives value to themselves and worth to their efforts. Now they have something to tackle or struggle with, something for the misery to be meaningful. The external, worldly conflict of decades past is replaced with a partner that is missing a few pieces. 

The modern knight in an era without dragons. 

Perhaps the most glaring issue with this narrative is its lack of accountability for the woman. With a caring and loyal partner already, what incentive is there to change? 

If she can be broken and still catch you, why should she fix herself? 

If you're not worth catching, why would she stay with you if/when she's spiritually and emotionally repaired? If your faults are so numerous and destructive that they alienate you from "women of that league", why would they be palatable when other men "at that league" would be theoretically attainable? 

This arrangement can never bear children or raise them in a stable environment. Adults who cannot manage themselves do not have the extra capacity to manage other people. This doesn't end at children, either. When major life changes shake up the stability in a relationship, whether it's a family member passing away or a big move away from home, it requires a great deal of attention and causes huge amounts of stress. Financial stress in particular already ends most marriages, imagine its toll on a union that's not on firm ground to begin with. 

Time itself is a finite resource. The more its invested in something or someone who will never be able to reciprocate, the less that is available for things that do. Whether its a career or an actual healthy relationship, the more time you waste on someone that can never return that investment, the less you have for something or someone that will. 

The greatest error here, however, is the misalignment of orientation in the relationship. The reason that Christianity preaches living for God or living with the goal of being as close to Jesus as possible is its outside reference to orient the relationship. Without that outside reference, there is no relationship at all; only a slow, fatal spiral into failure. The same nihilism that leads to this situation will never lead anyone out of it. 

Finally, men who settle for broken women are never worth the end product they desire. The pains of a woman "finding herself" through the man's patience always, by default, will result in situations that would normally be unpalatable. Whether it's abuse or infidelity, the behavior always starts small and slowly builds over time. It's acceptance ultimately leads to a situation that forces the man's hand; either end the relationship or have no boundaries at all. At that point, however, the man has already lost; He is already worth only a broken woman. 

Perhaps we can never undo the damage, but we can always limit its impact. Actively working to remove the influence of modern pop culture and social media from any other role than meaningless entertainment is paramount. Spiritual guidance is just as important, if not moreso. Having the moral grounding to successfully gauge the new and unknown is the bedrock of a mentally and emotionally healthy lifestyle. The self-discipline to set boundaries and adhere to them will give your moral grounding depth and strength, while guarding your spiritual well-being from its own worst enemy; yourself.