Open brain/closed brain

Genuine question: where is, and what forces control, the valve in my brain that is oh so very open to new opportunities that I want to do when I can't do them, yet slam locks like a trapdoor when I am able to do them?

Case in point; as I walk through town today I am so open minded to all the things I'm missing due to working the rest of the week. Places I wouldn't normally even look, spidey senses turn my head left "kareoke tommorow night" damn it. Working.

High pitched screetch in my right ear like a dog whistle switches my attention to "pub quiz Thursday" ahhh! Course I'm on shift!

Highlighted more so than ever in my vision as I walk on, "amateur snooker tournament" 2-5 Thursday. Good grief, this day minus work would have been awesome! Boot camp in the morning at some gym around the corner from me on a flyer I otherwise wouldn't have noticed compounds my envy for a Benzies in another dimension that doesn't have to work that day. That could even justify all the beer he drinks later on with a nice little workout.

Except I'm not envious. Because something...or someone (brain races for potential enemies I've made that are into voodoo) shuts off that same opportune nature of my brain in a world where it is entirely possible to do all of these things. Blinkered Benzies in this parallel universe.

Is there someone out there with a voodoo doll with my ugly mush on it?

Do I suffer from an ailment of kneejerk "if only" scenerios bolting across my synapses only WHEN it's certain I can't do them?

Genuinely throwing it out there, because I'm clueless at this point. Inconvenient brain syndrome. Am I alone in this weird disorder?